Birth #1: Dec 2019

My first birth was long and challenging. I was naive and I had so much to learn about physiological birth. I thought once I started having contractions, I’d be meeting my baby that night or the next day. However, early labour went on and on. When I arrived at the hospital at 40+1, I’d been having painful contractions that were 3-10mins apart for two days and nights. I hadn’t slept, and I was starting to lose control.

I accepted morphine in the hope of some pain relief, but it only made me feel confused and helpless. I didn’t feel like I could move from the bed, and I clung onto the rail as every contraction hit. I wasn’t breathing through them anymore; I was subconsciously holding my breath. After 38 hours of labour, I was 5cm. I asked for an epidural and soon after it was administered, I felt immense relief.

I felt calmness from within and around me. I returned to the present and I could think clearly again. After an hour, my midwife examined me, and I was fully dilated. She said, “ok let’s give it an hour so you can get a little bit of sleep before pushing”. We were both too excited to sleep, but the hour gave me time to process what was happening and prepare myself. I didn’t feel scared anymore. I felt like a little kid waiting for the sun to rise on Christmas Day.

I couldn’t feel much, but when my midwife told me to push, I directed every last piece of energy towards my bottom. I was on my side with one leg raised. I couldn’t feel any pain, but I could feel the pressure and sensation of my baby moving down. After about 15 minutes, my beautiful daughter was in my arms. We didn’t know her gender prior, and it was the best surprise. 

I left feeling positive and empowered. The lead up to my birth had felt quite horrendous, but I was so happy that everything went smoothly, and that the epidural didn’t cause a cascade of interventions like I had originally feared.

Birth #2: Feb 2022

About 18 months later, I saw those two lines again. We were over the moon. We decided to keep the gender a surprise again, but I was convinced it was another little girl as my pregnancies felt identical. I really wanted to get into the continuity program this time, and I was so happy when I got the call around 16 weeks to let me know I was in.

As my pregnancy progressed, I began to feel scared about birth. The positivity I had felt at the end of my first birth had faded and I kept thinking about how hard I found the pain prior to the epidural. I wondered how on earth women gave birth without pain relief. How could I be in more control of my pain? My research began. I listened to countless positive birth stories on the Australian Birth Stories and Positive Birth Australia podcasts. I watched the Birth Time documentary, practiced meditation and breathing techniques, and I was captivated by stories of home births. I planned a water birth with my midwife with the use of gas to hopefully help with my breathing.

At 40+3 I woke up with minor contractions. After a few hours nothing had changed. I decided to ignore them until I couldn’t anymore. We went out for lunch and then for a long bush walk. In the afternoon, they were still the same, so I called my midwife. She came over and gave me a stretch and sweep to see if that would help me progress. Within a couple of hours, I was having full on contractions. I spent time on the ball, swaying in the shower, listening to affirmations, and welcoming each contraction as it brought me closer.

At 10pm, I called my midwife and we decided to head into the hospital. The birth centre had been converted into a Covid positive section, but I got a beautiful room with a bath in the birth suites. I jumped in the shower when I got there, and my midwife had already dimmed the lights and was running the bath. The contractions were getting very intense, and I decided to get in the bath around midnight. When I first got in, I was losing focus and I was finding it hard to get comfortable. I had terrible back pain between contractions, so I felt like I wasn’t getting a break. As soon as I had some gas, the back pain disappeared, and I was able to focus again. I truly surrendered to the process and went deep within. The contractions got extremely intense and just as I had thoughts of not being able to do it anymore, my midwife asked me if I could feel baby’s head. I could (just) - baby was still moving down.

I had one huge contraction, and my body completely took over, pushing my baby down. My midwife guided me to lean back so that I could deliver my baby myself. Then suddenly, just before 2am at 40+4, my baby was on my chest. I had experienced the fetal rejection reflex and baby had come out as I was leaning back. My husband remembers exclaiming ‘it’s the baby… in the water’, and my midwife quickly scooped baby up and onto my chest. I removed the cord from around baby’s neck and then revealed that he was a boy. I was in absolute disbelief as I was sure he would be a girl, but I was so happy. At this point the second midwife arrived to scribe, but she was too late – it had happened unexpectedly fast. I was emotional and kept expressing how I couldn’t believe I’d birthed him as planned and that he was here so quickly. The high I felt after birthing without an epidural was incredible. He was a hungry boy and he latched on and fed for two hours before being weighed and checked.

Birth #3: April 2024

Once again, roughly 18 months later, we had a moment of ‘why not’. In our two week wait, we changed our minds. ‘It was too soon’, ‘life would be too chaotic’… however fate had other ideas and when we saw those two lines, we were certain it was meant to be.

We decided to find out the gender prior to birth for the first time. I told my husband that it was more important to be organised rather than surprised third time round. We found out I was carrying another little boy. Pregnancy was hard this time and different to my previous two. I was nauseas until 22 weeks, I had extreme fatigue, and I completely skipped the second trimester energy surge.

I didn’t love my pregnancy, but I was so excited to give birth again and hold my newborn in my arms. My only goal was to catch my baby this time! I was very lucky to get into the continuity program again and I had the same incredible midwife. At 40+5 and after a week of false labour starts, contractions began just before bed. I was able to sleep most of the night, waking every now and then to the slight sensation. When I woke up at 40+6 (my longest pregnancy), I felt like it was kicking off. The contractions continued all day, but they remained manageable. I spent around four hours rolling back and forth on the ball in the shower as the water hit my back - this provided so much relief. I called my midwife at 2pm to let her know that we would likely be coming in a couple of hours, however three hours later, I was still in the same situation… contractions were regular and 3-4 minutes apart but they were still manageable. I started to spiral mentally as I wondered how long it would go on. I knew from my first birth that it could be days.

I called my midwife again and she suggested that I do some exercises to try and assist him to move down so that I would progress. I agreed and I put myself in all the positions she suggested and did many (too many) lunges. I felt baby shift down a few times, but I wasn’t convinced the contractions were stronger. I was mentally over it… I called my midwife again and said that I was going to come in to be checked and that I might want my waters broken artificially to get things moving. I arrived at 8pm to find out I was 4cm. I wasn’t surprised but I was still disheartened. I decided I wanted my waters broken as I was convinced I’d have a marathon ahead of me otherwise. However, in the time it took for my midwife to set everything up, my contractions finally started to get more intense. When she came back, I hesitated. She looked me in the eye and said, ‘I don’t think you need any intervention; you can do this. Why don’t you hop in the bath and see how things go?’ 

It was the little pep talk I needed, and I agreed. I hopped in the bath at 9pm and I felt instant comfort. It was where I needed to be. I remained in control and kept breathing through the contractions, swaying and meditating. After an hour or so, I felt him shift further down and the urge to bare down. I truly experienced the intensity of pushing this time as this little one arrived slower than Flynn. My body was uncontrollably pushing, but I knew I needed to hold the pressure in between and work with my body. After the most intense 12 minutes of my life, I reached down and delivered my little boy myself around 10:30pm, just as I wanted to. It was magical and I was in disbelief that he was here. Until my body had started pushing, I had never felt like the contractions were as intense as my previous births and I don’t remember feeling ‘transition’. I was sure I had much longer, but here he was and he was perfect. There was no one else in the birth centre that night and it was so peaceful. After we finally measured him, I realised he was my biggest baby by far at 4.1kg! We stayed the advised four hours and then we went home to rest before taking on day one as a family of five.

What do you wish you knew before birth?

I wish I knew how important the right birth education would be.

If you could, would you do anything differently?

I would apply for the continuity program from the beginning.

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

He did exactly what I needed to him to do each time. For my first birth, he focused on being my voice and my advocate. For my second and third births, he took a step back as he knew I was in a good place. He brought me cold washes, water and hydralyte when needed. He encouraged me whenever he saw me doubting myself.

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

You can be in control of your pain. The more you relax and breathe through your contractions, the less painful it will be.