CW: This story involves a traumatic birth and NICU.

A preface to my story is that this was my second pregnancy, my first birth was an emergency c-section after a failed induction & 18 hour labour. 

Unfortunately I was diagnosed early on with gestational diabetes & was insulin dependent, because of this it was recommended to me that I get induced or have a planned c-section at 38 weeks.

A cesarean is also usually recommended after having a previous one, but I knew from day one I wanted to give my body the chance to birth naturally as I felt I had this opportunity taken from me with my first birth (I didn’t have the confidence/ wasn’t informed enough to advocate for myself at that point in time). 

I told my care team that I wanted to try for a VBAC & if I hadn’t gone into labour naturally by my due date, I would be induced.

There are risks that come along with a VBAC, the most concerning being uterine rupture, the chances of this happening is less than 1% (1 in 200), this risk increases if induced using hormones after a previous cesarean to 1 in 100, but nonetheless EXTREMELY rare.

My decision for a VBAC wasn’t decided on lightly, I did extensive research & was very well informed, my care team also thoroughly supported my choice, every single midwife or OBGYN that I saw throughout my pregnancy, had never witnessed a uterine rupture, so I felt confident in my choice for a VBAC. 

By 40 weeks, there was still no sign of labour despite trying EVERYTHING. So on the afternoon of the 23rd of March, I went in to Canberra hospital to be induced. 

At first they placed in a balloon - it fell out pretty much straight away as I had already gotten to 3cm dilated, though they didn’t have the staffing means to break my waters yet. We opted to put in a different type of balloon, to see if I would further dilate, this burst inside me during the procedure, and at this point I was now 4cm dilated but there wasn’t anything we could do other than wait for them to have enough staff to break my waters. 

I stayed overnight & at 10am on the 24th of March my waters were broken, my care team and I decided to give my body a couple hours to try and get things going by itself, but by 12pm I hadn’t made any progress. We decided a low dose of oxytocin would be best to start contractions. 

I sat in the shower on an exercise ball, with hot water on my back, sucking on the gas for a majority of my labour, 5 hours in and the pain was unbearable, I opted for an epidural. 

Once this had kicked in I was finally able to catch a break, but this only lasted 30 minutes until it wore off and I started to feel EVERYTHING again. The anaesthetist came back to give me a larger dose as I was not coping at all, at this point - 7 hours in the doctors decided to check how I had progressed, I was fully dilated & it was time to push. Everyone in the room was celebrating that I had made it, and I was about to meet my baby after a successful VBAC, this happiness was ripped away in a split second. 

I had the biggest contraction, the pain was like nothing else I had ever experienced, unimaginable. but it didn’t go away, I remember screaming that something was wrong, my body went into shock & I begun projectile vomiting everywhere. I ended up losing consciousness. I don’t remember anything from this point, other than coming to in theatre for a split second and being told they have to put me under general anaesthetic. 

Little did I know I was rushed for a Category A emergency cesarean. When they cut me open to perform the cesarean the doctors realised my uterus had ruptured, Henley was in my stomach cavity. She was taken out via forceps, without a heartbeat & was provided CPR for 6 minutes, due to the lack of oxygen to her brain she was rushed straight to NICU. Meanwhile I was bleeding out, doctors worked extremely hard to save mine & my baby’s life. 

I had none of the warning signs midwives and doctors look out for when it comes to uterine rupture’s. 

I woke up in recovery without my partner or baby by my side & no clue what had happened in theatre or if my baby was okay. 

The first time I met Henley was 3 hours after her birth, I was rolled up to NICU still in my bed, we were feet apart, I couldn’t even touch her.

Henley is referred to as a HIE baby, which stands for Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy, and is a type of brain damage caused by lack of oxygen. She was on a cooling mat for 72 hours to lower her body temperature, it has been proven to improve the chances of survival and lowers the risk of disabilities such as CP & epilepsy. She was intubated as she couldn’t breathe by herself and also had to be heavily medicated due to seizures. After 72 hours being cooled, she was then slowly warmed to normal body temperature this took 36 hours, once she was warmed I was finally able to hold my baby for the first time, 5 days after her birth. 

From there, Henley fought & she kicked goals and got better EVERY, SINGLE, DAY. After a week in NICU she was moved to special care, she spent a week there, where she was monitored and we begun establishing her feeding etc, before being discharged to come home on the 8th of April. 

We were informed that Henley has mild asphyxia to the part of her brain that controls her movements, we don’t know what this looks like for her future but know that early intervention is the best bet for her to lead a normal life - this means physiotherapy, Occupational Therapy, speech therapy etc for the next few years to help her achieve her milestones. 

Henley is hitting all her milestones, doing everything a ‘normal baby’ does & defying all doctor’s expectations. 

What do you wish you knew before birth?

I wish I knew just how dangerous giving birth can be. Pregnancy & birth is the most dangerous thing a woman does/ can do because of the unpredictability. Anything can happen, no matter what your plan is or how informed you are. 

If you could, would you do anything differently?

If I had been asked this question when I first had Henley, I would’ve said that I wouldn’t have tried for a VBAC and opted for a planned C-section, but now - my response is nothing. I wouldn’t do anything differently, there is no telling that if I had a planned c-section it would have gone perfectly, the outcome could have been much the same.

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

My partner was incredible, he supported me through every single contraction, every decision I made for my birth and advocated for me/ our baby when I couldn’t.  

He also held down the fort at home with our 1st born so I could be at hospital with Henley during her NICU/ Special Care stay. I am forever grateful for him. 

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

Be brave enough to advocate for yourself, this is your body, your birth, your baby and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Birth is unpredictable & things can change in a split second, prepare yourself for all possible outcomes.