Tegan tells her birth story in her own words…

I had always wanted to be a mum especially after seeing my sister becoming a mum, so after a very messy break up, a few terrible dates and a history of endometriosis I decided that I would have a baby by myself with the use of a sperm donor.

The process began by seeing the fertility specialist, then counselling, then choosing a donor, which involved a sperm donor party attended by my mum, sister and a couple of my closest friends (one of them even baked me cake, with a massive fondant sperm as the cake topper). Once the donor was chosen, the sperm was ordered and shipped from America to the fertility clinic. After a lot of blood tests, ultrasounds and nursing appointments, insemination day arrived! My sister was by my side throughout the whole thing and 4 weeks later she was the first person to find out that I was pregnant. 

My pregnancy wasn’t easy; I didn’t eat for almost 20 weeks, suffered from terrible constipation and had to have my back taped from 28 weeks until my due date. I had planned to work until 35 weeks but ended up finishing at 32 weeks. 

My due date was the 20th of November and I was adamant that I was not going over! Especially since Matilda was fully engaged and pushing on my cervix from about 30 weeks and I was told multiple times that she would come early.  Although she wasn’t very overdue, just a couple of days was definitely enough. 

I saw the obstetrician at 40 weeks on a Monday morning, had a stretch and sweep and was sent home to ‘rest’ as she strongly believed I would be back later that afternoon to have a baby.  I went home, took the dog for short walk around the block then tried to rest but the anxiety of potentially giving birth later that evening/night made sleep almost impossible.

For the rest of Monday and Tuesday I was having lots of tightening’s with some cramping but nothing that made me think I was going into actual labour. On the Tuesday evening I had zero energy and decided that takeaway and an early night was needed, but just after going to bed I got a very upset stomach and spent the next few hours going back and forth between the toilet and bed. Shortly after the pain began.

At first it felt similar to my endo pain, cramping that radiated to my back. I then realised that I should probably start timing, as the pains were actually contractions. My contractions went from zero to 100 pretty quickly but were pretty irregular but I felt as though the pain never really went away in between. I first called the hospital about midnight and was advised to keep timing them as it didn’t sound like I was in established labour just yet. After about an hour and feeling like everything was intensifying I called them back and once again was told to give it another few hours and see how I go.

At about 3am I called them back for a third time and said that I was coming in whether they thought I was in established labour or not, because I was home alone and needed the support. I hung up the phone and tried calling my mum to let her know that she needed to come and take me to hospital. After the 5th attempt at calling her, she finally picked up! My mum arrived to my house about 3:30am and after me trying to finish packing my hospital bag in between contractions and having to reverse my car out of the drive way, we headed to hospital.

That was possibly the worst car ride ever, my waters broke on the front seat of my car, and despite it being almost 4am in the morning we still managed to get every red light, but after a very tumultuous car ride with a few swear words aimed at my poor mum for breaking so hard we finally arrived at the birthing ward.  

The first thing I did when I got to my room was run straight to the bathroom and vomit multiple times (who says labour isn’t glamourous). I lasted about an hour without any pain relief before I requested an epidural. I tried the gas a few times but hated how it made me feel and knew that I wasn’t coping and my anxiety was peaking and thought an epidural was the best option for me. After about an hour the epidural was in and I was feeling far more comfortable, blissful even.

Unfortunately, the epidural slowed my contractions down and after no progress for a few good hours I was started on oxytocin to help my labour along. By midday I started to feel really unwell and just felt really hot and bothered, my temp was checked and I had a fever. I ended up having a cannula inserted, blood cultures sent and was started on antibiotics (my placenta was sent to pathology and I actually had chorioamnionitis, a placental infection).

After a few hours on the oxytocin, Matildas trace started to become irregular, her heart rate was dropping with each contraction but would improve quickly after. The oxytocin was reduced, my labour began to stall again and there was no real improvement in Matildas heart rate. By this time, I had been labouring for 14 hours and was definitely starting to feel well and truly over it.

The oxytocin was increased again to try and speed everything back up but this time Matildas trace became even worse. Her heart rate was dropping even further and was only picking up slightly in between contractions. During the next little while I remember having multiple midwives and doctors coming in to check on me and would try to replace the monitoring clip or reposition me to see if any of these interventions would help. After a phone call to the obstetrician on call it was then decided that Matilda needed to come out right away.

Next thing I knew I had multiple midwives, the neonatal team and the obstetrician in my room getting ready to deliver my baby. I was told that a theatre was ready and waiting but first the obstetrician wanted to do an internal examine to find out what position Matilda was in.  During this brief period Matildas heart rate began to drop down even further and was sitting around 40-50 beats and was not picking up. It was established that Matilda was posterior with one of her hands above her head. The obstetrician decided that she was too far down the birth canal and stuck in a tricky position that a caesarean wasn’t really an option and the best choice was to use the kiwi cup to get her out.

After a little bit of pushing and once the kiwi cup was placed on Matildas head an episiotomy was performed to try and assist with the prevention of tearing. After what seemed like forever but was really only 5 or 6 big pushes and pulls and 18 hours later Matilda was delivered. She was placed on my chest for a brief few seconds while my mum cut the cord and was then whisked away to the resuscitator to be checked over by the neonatal team.

After delivering my placenta I ended having a post partum haemorrhage and was found to have had multiple tears despite having the episiotomy (recovery from labour took roughly 12 months).  

Matilda was given the all clear and I was able to give her, her first breastfeed. Unfortunately, the newborn cuddles were cut short for me due to my temperature. Despite having Panadol it was very hard to keep my temperature down and I felt very hot and Matilda’s temperature was starting to go up too. The midwives recommended that until my temperature was down it would be best to not handle Matilda too much.

Although I wasn’t able to give her lots of cuddles straight away my mum and sister definitely soaked up the all cuddles they could get.  

After spending the night on the birthing ward I was moved down to the post natal ward where I spent the next few nights due to needing IB antibiotics, on day 4 we were finally allowed to go home to start our new little life together. 

What do you wish you knew before birth?

Just how complicated healing from a traumatic delivery could be and where to access services to help with this.  I took about 12 months to recover physically but was lucky enough to have a great GP, but unfortunately not all GPs are clued into post partum recovery and this can be detrimental to a women’s recovery and mental health

If you could, would you do anything differently?

I think I’m pretty happy with how I handled myself during labour. I definitely went into it knowing that my threshold for pain was going to be low and I was 100% sure that an epidural was what I was going to have for pain relief, so when the midwife initially told me that they didn’t think that I would have time for an epidural, I’m glad I spoke up for myself and requested them to still try and facilitate the epidural.

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

My mum and my sister where with me for my birth and really they were honestly just great for the entertainment value. They also helped when everything kind of turned upside down; they both have a very calming presence about them so how they spoke to me during that very scary period was really all that I needed.  I was also greatful that even though i wasnt able to hold Matilda after delivery they were still around to give her comfort.

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

My advice would to not only read about positive birth experiences but to also educate yourself about the potential complications that can arise during delivery and during that 4th trimester. Not to scare yourself but they say knowledge is power and by you and your birth partner having some knowledge it helps you advocate for yourself and baby if your delivery ended up having any complications, and can help in the 4th trimester by knowing what services are available whether it be for physical healing or emotional/mental health.