STEPH tells her birth story in her own words…

From the start of my pregnancy I had been labeled “high risk” due to my BMI (which is complete bullshit). The first OB I spoke to outright told me I would only be accepted if i went for an elective cesarean and wouldn’t even consider me for a vaginal birth because of my BMI.

This was an over the phone conversation, hadn’t seen any of my medical history, had not taken any blood tests or physical exams, only asked for my weight and decided that it was too high and came to this conclusion. I have zero health conditions, and am considered incredibly healthy other than my weight so to be told this was a complete shock. I managed to find a different OB who was incredibly happy to pursue with a natural delivery provided there were no complications (which was always something I knew would be the case).

Towards the second half of pregnancy, my baby was measuring in the 98th percentile consistently and was on track for 3-4 weeks ahead so my OB was wanting us to consider induction to increase chances of a vaginal delivery (have since learned how inaccurate these scans can be, Bub was less than 3.5kg at birth despite being told she would be over 4 and I’d struggle to push her up without intervention).

This sparked my journey into a lot of research and getting as educated as possible on my options. I did everything i could to get my body prepared for labour and to hopefully bring it on naturally and I was fortunate enough to go into labour the day before my induction was scheduled. I was eating dates, spicy food, curb walking, acupuncture, sex, everything that you could think of to naturally induce labour, I was doing. I was so determined to let my body do what it needed to without any medical interventions.

I had started getting minor cramping/Braxton hicks the week prior to labour and was slowly losing parts of my mucus plug. I had decided at my 38 week check up on the Monday to get a cervical exam because I wanted to see if my body had any signs of progress into labour and was pleasantly surprised to know I was already 3cm dilated and bub was very much positioned low in my pelvis so this made me confident that things were heading in the right direction. I had another appointment that Friday where my induction was booked for the following Tuesday, however I was still determined to kick things into gear over the weekend. 

On the Sunday morning I woke up with period like cramps that were lasting about 30 seconds and coming every 30-40 minutes. I wasn’t convinced these were contractions yet as they weren’t something i considered to be very painful. But about lunch time the pain had started to increase and they were coming about 10 minutes apart but still only lasting about 30 seconds. I accepted by this point that they were contractions, but I was continuing with my day as normal, took the dog for a walk (a very slow walk with a waddle), did the grocery shopping, all the general household chores i would normally do.

By about 5pm I was having to focus on my breathing through the contractions, lasting for a minute and now less than 5 minutes apart. I called the hospital and was advised that I should probably think about coming in soon as I was still a 45 minute drive from the hospital.

I had been so determined to labour at home as long as possible, didn’t particularly like hospitals to begin with and knew that it could often slow down labour once you get there as you aren’t as comfortable in your environment. I put myself into the shower and stayed in there for probably about 45 minutes which was great but I decided to get out and put the TENS machine on instead so I could actually put together the last of the stuff we needed to take. I contacted my friend who was pet sitting for us and got her to start her journey across, Griff packed the car in a bit of an anxious state, I don’t think he was really convinced that this was happening.

He was in the middle of cooking dinner when I said I needed to go to hospital and it was quite entertaining to see him start running around like a headless chook very unsure what to do first. By the time everything was done, we weren’t in the car until after 7pm and I was in a decent amount of pain at this stage, but the TENS machine was doing an amazing job. I was using all the calm birth methods I had read about and researched. Had soothing music in the car, eyes closed, counting my breathing and focused on that. This seemed to be doing a great job. I had always wanted a drug free labour and delivery and was still very determined to do so. However once we reached the hospital, parked and very slowly walked in, the pain was quite intense and I remember saying to Griff if this goes on all night, I don’t think I can do it and will end up needing pain relief. Funny thinking back on it and seeing that I was ready to go from one extreme to the other.

We had many conversations in the lead up to labour about how set I was on a drug free birth and that he needed to be my voice when I couldn’t be. I didnt want to give up so easily and I wanted Griff to be able to remind me of that when I was feeling defeated and exhausted. Once we got to the birth suite everything seemed to go so quickly. I had several midwives and nurses helping me get comfortable and set up. I had my heart rate monitor set up, the CTG and the baby’s heart rate monitor all being placed. This part was a bit of a struggle. Baby was so far down into my pelvis that they couldn’t get her heart rate picked up very easily and they were constantly trying to move it around without any major luck. This was frustrating for me because all I wanted to do was sit still and focus on my breathing through the pain. Because of all the movement and distractions I actually ended up saying to the midwife that I wanted an epidural.

She offered me gas and air but i was just straight up wanting the full pain relief option, I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. Griff was incredible in this moment, taking the time to remind me what I had wanted for so long and to focus on that and making sure I knew how well I was doing and that I could continue that way.

At this point they got me to stand up to again try and fit the monitor in a better position, this was when my water broke (honestly the weirdest feeling). It was just like a massive relief of pressure for a few moments before it all came crashing hard again. It was around 8:30pm when I had my internal exam and was told I was 4cm. They had called my OB for an update and was told I’d still probably be a while. Griff took the time to set up the space for me. Calming rain sounds over the UE Boom, diffuser with lavender oil, lights dimmed, fan on and him sitting behind me rubbing my back. Once my water had broken, they were able to attach an internal monitor to babys head which meant I could move around as I wanted to. Griff tells me that it was at this point that I went into my “zen zone”. He says I literally just looked liked I was in another world. I had sat myself on the edge of the hospital bed, eyes closed, hands by my side, Griff rubbing my lower back and TENS machine on. This is where i stayed for about 3 hours without moving. I would only answer questions by nodding or shaking my head, I knew that if I moved or spoke I would lose my focus and the pain would be much harder to manage. I remember several midwives coming in throughout this time and being so surprised by how still and quiet I was considering the intensity of my contractions they were picking up on the monitor. This was a massive boost to my focus for me, knowing I could continue to do it for hours more if i needed to. Time honestly went so quickly though.

It was closer to midnight when I felt the sudden urge to push, this incredible pressure in my pelvis where my body just instinctively started to tense. I felt like I could not control my stomach from tensing and knew something was happening. I told my midwife that I felt like i needed to shit so badly and that I wanted to go to the toilet. I didn’t even reach the toilet 5 metres away from me, when I decided that it wasn’t a poop, the pressure was different and I was so convinced things had progressed. The midwife was trying to convince me to wait longer so that i wouldnt feel defeated if there had been no changes. They had originally said my next cervical exam wouldn't be until around 2am but I held my ground, lay on my back to be checked and to her surprise I was fully dilated only 3 hours after the first exam of 4cm. She happily told me I could start pushing as I felt I needed while she started to set up for the delivery and called my OB.

The worst was definitely over, the contractions were much harder to deal with prior to this, but now being able to push made them so much more tolerable. My OB arrived within 15 minutes and after only 40 minues of pushing, my beautiful daughter was born and put onto my chest. This was the most incredible experience for me. I had initially indicated that i wanted to birth on my knees, kneeling over the back of the bed so that gravity could work in my favour. I had spent so much time researching and learning about ways to help my body work its way through delivery in the most optimal positions and breathing through it to decrease chances of tearing. Everything I had planned for went out the window at this stage, but Griff, my OB and midwife were so incredible at talking me through the whole process and I couldn’t be happier. I was on my back, knees all the way up to my chest, bearing down on each contraction to push as much as I could, warm compress on my perineum and the medical team guiding me through each push to stop and start and breathe to slow things down where required.

I am so happy to say that I didn’t tear at all during this process. My body did exactly what it needed to and things happened so quickly that i didn’t even cry just from pure shock at how fast she was on my chest. I remember Griff and I just looking at each other when they pulled her up to me in complete surprise. Everything and everyone had told us how long labour would be for our first time and that I could be pushing for hours alone. I started pushing around 12:30am and she was born at 1:18am. Only in hospital from 8:30pm and technically would have only been in active labour for a couple of hours considering that officially doesn’t start until 6cm.

I am still in awe of my body for how it worked through this and how quickly it progressed. I stuck to my dream of a drug free labour and i am so proud of myself for pushing through. Things moved so quickly after this; placenta came moments later, fully intact and zero pain. It was the final release of pressure i needed and i finally felt my body return to a normal state. Griff cut the chord after a while to allow optimal blood flow and we had that hour or so of skin to skin which was beautiful. Bub was born with her hand by her face and gave me a couple of superficial scrapes along my labia which my doctors very quickly stitched up and I was up on my feet to shower not long after this. We packed up our stuff and were immediately transported to our room in the maternity ward which was amazing. We finally had some time to relax and take in the last few hours. We truly soaked up the joy of being a family of three. 

What do you wish you knew before birth?

I feel like i was well prepared for the birth itself, I just wish I spent more time looking at the hours and days after birth and what to prepare for. I was so focussed on labour and delivery but didn’t think about what happens after and i was quite overwhelmed with the responsibility i now had to take care of this human we created. Even something as simple as changing a nappy was quite overwhelming to begin with, was it tight enough, too tight? How often am i supposed to change her if i dont specifically know she has done anything? There was a lot to learn in that first 24 hours, all of which i wished i prepared for early. Breastfeeding in particular is honestly the hardest thing and i dont think anyone really told me about that. I was so set on exclusively breastfeeding, and still at one month postpartum that’s what i am doing, but its still a massive challenge. You are suggested to get Bub latched onto your boob almost immediately after birth to start the process and get your milk to come in. Getting a newborn to latch when they have no idea what to do, combined with a new mum who has no idea what to do is bloody difficult. All the different positions, holding methods, tricks and tools that you can use, it’s overwhelming and sometimes not actually useful at all and more so confusing. We booked with a lactation consultant within a few days just to overcome the battle from the start, which made a difference, but im still figuring things out a month later and have days where i feel like im failing. 

If you could, would you do anything differently?

Knowing how easy my labour and delivery ended up, part of me wishes i could have done a homebirth. Ive never felt comfortable in hospitals which is why i wanted to labour at home as long as i could, but i had still considered all risks of delivering the baby within my house and not having the medical equipment necessary should it be required. Obviously i could never have predicted the outcome of my birth, but now seeing how it all unfolded, it would have been an even more incredible experience if i could have done it within my own home surrounded by everything that makes me happy. 

In terms of post delivery, I would ask for more help from the midwives once we reached the maternity ward. We were there for 5 days after birth which was great, but i definitely didnt utilise the assistance i could have had. I tried so hard to be this perfect mum who knew what she was doing from the start and didn’t want to be judged for asking for help. It all caught up to me on my last day there when the cluster feeding had well and truly commenced, her latch still wasn’t great so she was screaming and crying when the milk wasn’t coming fast enough, she didnt want to sleep, i didn’t know what to do and the baby blues flooded my system like i had been hit by a truck. I have never felt so overwhelmed with emotions all at once. Every time i looked at our baby i felt so much love for her, but all my body could do was cry. Full on blubbering, sobbing, snot dripping out of my nose cry. I could not control anything. I finally asked for one of the midwives to take Bub away for a moment so that i could catch my breath. I felt so guilty for doing this that i couldn’t stop crying anyway.  But it gave me the moment I needed to reflect and just cry out my emotions without stressing over if my baby was okay. 

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

He advocated for me when I wasn’t able to. During my moment of doubt asking for pain relief and losing my cool, he reminded me what i wanted to achieve and that i was strong enough to do that on my own. He spoke with the medical team, provided my birth plan, set up my optimal birth space and did everything i had envisioned for labour. He was so calm and relaxed the entire time, holding my hand when i needed something to squeeze, rubbing my back when it was aching and distracting me with his humour when i needed something else to focus on. Having Griff around made the biggest difference during the whole process, i definitely couldn’t have done it without him.

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

The contractions are the hardest part but It’s well and truly and mental game. Mind over matter. Everyone told me about the ring of fire and that the transition into the final stage of labour were all incredible painful. Personally i could not tell the difference of the contractions once i reached the hospital, they all felt the same. I got into my zen zone, focused on my breathing and it all just moved so quickly. Definitely relaxing your body allows everything to progress at a much faster rate and it was amazing. The physical delivery part of birth is actually quite relieving. It’s hard work, incredible exhausting, but i wouldn’t say that it was overly painful in comparison. You dont even think about whether you poop or not, i still have no clue if i did because i didn’t ask and i didn’t care. Definitely take the time to set up your delivery suite (use your support person), and make it a space that you feel comfortable and calm. This made such a difference for me, otherwise all you have is a shitty hospital bed, monitors beeping, harsh lighting and the distinct smell of hospital disinfectant which I can’t imagine makes anyone feel overly relaxed. My biggest advice is just to trust your body. You know your own body more than anyone else, even the doctors/midwives. Listen to your body and trust what it is telling you. If something doesn’t feel right, say something and ask for help. Also, be open minded and flexible with the process. I had a very detailed birth plan and everything set in my head about how it would work out, i know many mums have complications arise and things change and you have to be able to accept that. I was lucky that i didn't have any issues, but instead discovered things along the way that worked better for me in the moment despite all the research. I wanted to spend labour moving around and wanted to deliver on my knees, instead i was sat in the one spot the entire time and delivered on my back because that worked for me and i felt comfortable. No matter how much you plan and prepare, you are well and truly going into the process blind and have no idea what to expect, so its easier if you can just accept whatever happens and be ready for all possibilities.