When Danielle Met Forest

The birth of her first child, Forest, was a physical and mental marathon for Danielle - lasting a total of about 18 hours.

She got her “dream birth”, with all of her birth preferences met…and after such a difficult pregnancy, she was on could 9 and in disbelief that her journey into motherhood had been initiated the way it was.

Danielle tells her birth story in her own words…

I know women do this every day all over the planet and yet somehow it's such a unique event for each person. I know this is about birth but for me, birth and birth prep starts in pregnancy and I feel so passionate about both... so I've given a little bit of background on my pregnancy as well as it shapes your mindset for the type of birth you're potentially going to have, in my opinion.

Pregnancy was not an easy ride for me. Medically and physically I was 'textbook' but being diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum at 15 weeks, I honestly couldn't relate to the joys of pregnancy, and felt very guilty for not being more positive, despite the gratitude I felt for my little blessing. I vomited multiple times every day, from around 7 weeks to 18 weeks, with sporadic spews from then until 26 weeks.

The third trimester was my turning point - the nausea was still present but as long as I took my cocktail of anti-nausea meds I could function, work, take my dogs for walks a couple of times per week, complete mundane tasks like cleaning, washing and cooking and socialise in small doses (with plenty of rest and recovery in between).

I was so grateful to be able to leave the house as I had been bed bound for most of my first and some of my second trimester. As my belly grew, Forest's strong kicks became my daily highlight.

My husband and I did a Transform Parenting birth course with Tracey Askew when I was 33 weeks and it was THE BEST THING EVER. It was insanely positive and made me really zone into my birth prep. At 38 weeks, up 14kg and 2 bras sizes (sitting on 70kg neat), I felt exhausted, uncomfortable and was ready for him to exit the building.

I remember looking at my body, hoping that labour was around the corner (ha!) but also trying to enjoy the final days/weeks of it being just us two and our two fur babies. I FINALLY started thinking 'it's a cute bump and I don't really care that much about the water retention, stretch marks on my boobs or the cellulite everywhere'. I started to relax, ease into myself. Even though I'd complained a lot about pregnancy's discomforts, I knew I'd miss his kicks and watching him move inside my tummy. I could appreciate it all. I was and am so lucky.

I had always known that the process itself was magical even if it felt downright physically awful for me - not gonna sugarcoat it. But what did I expect? I was naive to think this whole thing wouldn't be new and different and hard at times. Pregnancy was teaching me to adjust my expectations, to slow down, listen to my body and to trust the process - and probably most importantly, preparing me for BIRTH (haha, and now parenthood).

They say nothing worth having ever comes easy, and for some that could mean other parts of the reproductive journey but for me it had been awful PMS for years and now, my pregnancy experience. Some days I questioned whether our baby would be worth all of it (and I feel terrible admitting that) but I knew in my heart of hearts, he would.

It was an absolute PRIVILEGE to carry my baby boy and it has forever changed me for the better. This leads me to my birth... Because I wanted to be as prepared as I possibly could and have a positive ending to this very challenging pregnancy...

BIRTH

I was mentally prepared for him to come from around 38 weeks but he made me waaaaiiiiit. And oh wow, those last 3 weeks were hard on my mental health. The common physical symptoms of heartburn, insomnia, and constipation were hard enough - but paired with the wait - I wondered how much longer I could do it all for. I had heard lots of negative induction stories, so was feeling nervous about being overdue and the potential of being induced was hanging over my head (even though statistically, most FTMs give birth between 40 and 41 weeks).

I had done everything I could to make sure my body was wonderfully prepared. I had planned on a completely natural, unmedicated water birth but I had to start being more open minded and consider all other options, as I was booked in for an induction at 41+6.

I kept repeating Tracey's (from Transform Parenting) mantra, 'choose love'. Whatever happens, I had to try and remember that I do have control over how I birth my baby, when it comes to how I FEEL. There is a lot of outside (and in my case, also totally self-imposed) pressure placed on birthing women to not go over their due dates and I was definitely in my own head about it. I knew that people's intentions were good 99% of the time but the 'is he here yet?' messages every day didn't help me relax at all and it definitely didn't make the baby come any quicker.

With lockdown in full swing, I could barely distract myself, no matter how hard I tried. The freezer was already stocked with precooked meals and colostrum and the nursery was all sorted. We had attended our birthing classes and I had completed every bit of Spinning Babies reading and breathwork practice, eaten my dates and drunk my raspberry leaf tea. I attended my weekly acupuncture appointments, rubbed aaaaalll of the clary sage oil on my belly day and night, curb walked as well as went on a walk most days with my energetic dogs and had as much sex as a 37-42 weeks pregnant woman wants to have (so not that much, remembering that I felt like a land whale with limited mobility) to get this baby out (TMI). You name it, I'd tried it - acupressure, spicy food, expressing - the works. The most frustrating part was that he had been in the perfect position since 33 weeks and I had been getting pre labour signs from 35 weeks. I had cramping, tightening and intense back pain almost every day but nothing would happen.

The overwhelming amount of support I received from SO many women is what got me through those final weeks. Every single person who reached out to me with positivity and genuinely caring advice and well wishes with true compassion and without judgement is what helped me RELAX. Whether it was a good induction story or what to watch out for in labour or to tell me to ignore the busy bodies or to encourage me to just have a good cry and eat a tub of full fat ice cream and/or Sara Lee cheesecake - that is what REALLY HELPED ME forget I was SO overdue. During a time that was very isolating, I felt so much love and kindness and it made a world of difference to my final days of being pregnant. It totally helped that OXYTOCIN flow.

At 41 weeks I opted for a stretch and sweep. I had ALWAYS said I wasn't going to but I wasn't 41 weeks pregnant when I said that (haha!). It psyched me out a lot as it was much more painful than anticipated and I truly felt doomed. I had the worst night sleep and cried A LOT. The following evening, I remember sitting on the couch with Daniel, having finally surrendered to the conclusion I was going to be induced. I started getting 'tightenings' that almost took my breath away but I dismissed them because they weren't anything 'new' in the symptom department, just slightly more uncomfortable. I slept so soundly that night, having released a lot of my anxiety and accepting whatever will be, will be.

I remember waking up at around 4am (at 41+2) with what felt like the tiniest period cramp but went back to sleep. The same thing happened again at 6am but I just kept sleeping. I woke up at 10am and noticed that these intervals of very mild cramping were happening about 15 mins apart and so I messaged my mum to tell her. I remember her message back 'you're in labour!'. I kinda didn't believe I was though, in all seriousness! I just kept on going with my day because I wasn't convinced. These cramps were so so manageable, this couldn't be labour?! I got into the bath and did some life admin on my laptop.

At 12pm I thought, 'maybe I should ask my midwife if I can still go to my 2pm acupuncture appointment'. She said there wouldn't be a problem and so off I went, with Daniel by my side. As soon as he stuck the needles in, my contractions started to become more powerful and they had accelerated to being 3 to 5 mins apart. Daniel performed acupressure that our acupuncturist had shown him and it was surprising to me how well it was relieving the discomfort. We drove home around 3pm and I was quite uncomfortable sitting in the car. I called my midwife, Anne Maree, and she told me to keep on going with my day.

When we returned home, I put my TENS machine on and it finally started sinking in that I was in labour. I felt so excited and like I'd never been more ready for anything - with a tiny sprinkle of 'holy hell I'm going to be a mum and be responsible for another human' anticipation and panic. We put 'Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates' (the first movie Daniel and I had ever watched together) on and I bounced on my ball in front of the TV, pressing the booster button if things got a bit harder to handle.

Eventually I had to turn the telly off. My playlist was on and the lights were dimmed. I knew that regardless of my preparation, childbirth was still going to be unpredictable. Around 6pm, I retreated to our bedroom and asked Daniel to check my purple line (near my anus) to indicate my dilation. He said it was around 4 or 5 cm so we called the midwife. She came over to our house (as I was part of the birth centre program) and asked if I wanted a vaginal examination (note - you can ALWAYS say no to this but the control freak in me NEEDED to know far along I was) so I said ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY. She then told me I was 3 or 4 cm dilated and I thought WHAT? I've been doing this for 12 hours, surely I'm more than that? She encouraged me to continue whatever I was doing and agreed that we would meet at the birth centre the next time we felt the need to contact her.

At around 7pm, I got into the shower as things were starting to intensify. About 5 minutes in, I started squatting and lunging as I had learned that these positions helped progress labour. The next thing I knew, I had lost my mucus plus and I was over the moon! It was like a bloody looking oyster and I found it so fascinating I called out to Daniel and took a few photos in between contractions. I started losing, what I thought was, quite a bit of blood so I asked Daniel to call Anne Maree to check with her.

She explained that it all sounded very normal and that bleeding can happen when there is fast dilation. She asked if we were comfortable to meet at the hospital and so we fed the dogs (at their usual dinner time too, perfect!), packed the car and left the house. As we were walking out the door, I turned to Daniel and said 'I know we discussed this and I said I didn't want the drugs but I'm speaking to you seriously now - when we get to the hospital, I want the drugs'.

The drive from Gowrie to Canberra Hospital was probably the longest 15 minutes of my life because, I didn't know at the time, but I was transitioning. It was 9pm. We parked the car and I waddled up to the entrance of the Centenary Women's Hospital with my playlist still blaring in my dressing gown pocket. The chorus of 'My Heart Will Go On' was being belted out by Celine Dion. As we entered, the security guard asked us 'do you have an appointment?' to which Daniel replied 'um, no, we are having a baby!'.

I was labouring pretty loudly at this point with contractions coming one after the other. This was during hard COVID restrictions too so we had to bring EVERYTHING with us because once we were in our room, we weren't allowed to leave.

Finally, we got into the Birth Centre and my bath was running. I had a big contraction and Anne Maree asked me if I felt any pressure. I told her that only on that contraction did I feel some heaviness and I could have sworn I was pissing myself. She responded calmly 'that's probably just your waters!'. She asked if she could perform another examination and I obliged. 'OK, you're 10cm so if you want a water birth, you'll have to get in now because bub is coming!'. With no time for any drugs (I didn't really want them anyway), I jumped into the bath, pushed for 45 minutes in the 'knees in calves out' position and Forest swam out into the world, with his amniotic sac IN TACT.

My dream birth had become a reality. All of my birth preferences were met - minimal intervention, delayed cord clamping and attempted physiological delivery of placenta (I ended up having the injection to hurry it along). I was examined post birth and felt very lucky to have only two small grazes on my labia which were quickly stitched up and no perineum tearing. I was on cloud 9 and in a little disbelief that my journey into motherhood had been initiated this way after such a difficult time incubating our baby. I remember turning to Daniel and telling him 'I feel like myself again'.

For me, birth was a physical and mental marathon lasting a total of about 18 hours from first to last contraction (4 of those active) and as those final pushes were performed I was overwhelmed with pure empowerment and pride for what my body is capable of, not just in birth, but the last 9 months. I was so fortunate to have had a transformative birth experience exactly as I had envisioned and felt immensely blessed. I reflected on how my body had evolved since becoming a woman all those years ago. Nothing could have prepared me for this new version of myself and the wave of emotion I felt when I looked down at my baby boy for the first time. The metamorphosis of WOMAN to MOTHER. An immeasurable appreciation for life, my femininity and my health. And a love for this brand new little being, my strong and caring husband and even myself.

What do you wish you knew before birth?

I sound so cocky saying this, but I feel like I knew absolutely everything I needed to. I followed sooo many positive birth pages and resources in pregnancy. I highly recommend @thenakeddoula, @spinningbabies and @positivebirthaustralia to name a few.

If you could, would you do anything differently?

I wouldn't do anything differently other than ENJOY MY 4 WEEKS OFF before bub arrived. I would have slept more, indulged more, enjoyed my alone time more. Honestly, just chilled. Whatever happens, happens and it's more about your mental acceptance of how things go, rather than how things ACTUALLY go.

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

He attended the birth classes so he KNEW what to do and what I wanted. The acupressure was so incredibly helpful, so highly recommend googling that! He also made sure I ate and drank so I had energy throughout the day. Everyone is different but I needed physical touch like massage and words of encouragement throughout labour and he nailed it.

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

It doesn't matter HOW you birth your baby, it matters HOW you mentally digest what is happening and the choices you have given your circumstances. Educate educate educators yourself and mentally prepare for any and every circumstance. You aren't in control of how you birth your baby physiologically but you are in control of knowing your rights and what alternatives you can adopt if something unexpended happens. You are a warrior regardless of how you birth your baby xx