When Bec met River + Rhodes
In 2021 I birthed my first son River, he is wild, loving and the most curious, kindest soul you’ll ever meet. His birth on the other hand was unfortunately not so magical. I had an awful pregnancy, I was uncomfortable in my body, everything hurt, I seemed to have new symptoms weekly and I couldn’t wait to give birth. It took us almost a year to fall pregnant and then when we did it was in the midst of the pandemic which was so isolating to be going through a first pregnancy and on top of that we didn’t know anyone in our circle who were parents so we found it really tricky.
At about 23 weeks, I woke up feeling really uncomfortable and I went to the bathroom to see if that would help. I felt this intense pain in my stomach and I just dropped to the ground crying and yelling for my partner to wake up. I had no bleed but the pain was unbearable. We called an ambulance and off we went to hospital but by the time we made it there my pain had started to subside and I had felt the baby moving again. Figuring out what happened was a bit of a disaster, the hospital ended up discarding my urine sample instead of sending it for testing and I was discharged without the baby ever being checked. I wish I would have stood up for myself and made a point for them to actually check what happened. I was sent home with a suspected UTI and blood test results that were actually from another patient. Disaster.
My pregnancy continued with no other major hiccups until I got to 41+1, my day of induction. I hardly felt the baby move but put this down to nerves, I tried drinking ice water and laying on my side and nothing. But again, I just thought I was cranky and nervous so waited until my scheduled time. When we arrived, I was monitored for a little while and then out of no where my obstetrician ran in ‘We are having a baby now!’ ‘We are going to prep you for a c-section’ She was running through the room, I’m not even sure she made eye contact. The next little bit was a blur, I was quickly dressed in a gown as my husband ran through the corridor dressing in his scrubs. All we knew was that the baby was in distress and we didn’t have long. I truly thought I was going to deliver a child who had passed. It was not the magical, easy birth I had planned.
River burst into the world a few moments later with the biggest cry, other than a quick glimpse of him in the air I didn’t get to hold him for a little while whilst they made sure he was okay. From us finding out that we needed to have an emergency c-section to arriving in recovery only took 30 mins so it was quite the whirlwind. Thankfully River had no issues post-birth and after my fabulous obstetrician had a chat with us, we did learn I was having strong contractions every few minutes (but wildly I couldn’t feel them) and Rivers trace was very abnormal. It turned out my placenta had died and they told us he likely wouldn’t have made it through the night let alone survived birth had we not have been scheduled. We also discovered that at some point I had had a concealed abruption that thankfully had healed on its own. We suspect this was the pain I had felt at 23 weeks when I was rushed to ED.
And then there was Rhodes. My second pregnancy couldn’t have been more different. I had far less symptoms and there were days I would forget I was pregnant. We had lots of extra checks this time to make sure we were okay physically but also plenty of chats to make sure we were okay mentally too. I felt like this time around I didn’t lose myself so much to the pregnancy and I was able to keep doing the things I enjoyed until I was too big that I physically couldn’t.
At 39+4 my eldest son was behaving really odd, he wouldn’t leave me alone and insisted on sleeping in my bed. He was so emotional about it and sobbed when I initially said no. It was really out of character for him so I ended up letting him sleep in my room whilst my husband was exiled to the spare room. That morning, I woke at 4:30am thinking I had accidentally done a wee but then when I got up a big gush came and didn’t stop, then I realised my waters had broken. This never happened last time so I wasn’t expecting to go into labour and that the water would just keep going…for hours!!! I sat River down and told him that ‘my egg was hatching’ and I had to go to the hospital to have his baby brother. I was so emotional that everything was about to change, and that for the first time I’d be leaving River for the night. We got to hospital and it was really uneventful, so much waiting around, I was having small contractions but couldn’t feel them and had dilated 1cm. I stuck with the plan for an elective c-section so, 7 hours later when a theatre was available, off we went.
I felt nervous but calm this time around. We had the same anaesthetist and paediatrician this time and had also built a good relationship with our obstetrician. The consistency of care, I think was really vital to me keeping calm. The procedure this time around felt very different too, lots more pulling rather than the washing machine feeling I felt last time. My obstetrician said they were ready to drop the drape and I could see our little boy held in the air whilst they did delayed cord clamping. It was so nice to have a moment to just take it all in and really recognise that this is birth. I got to hold Rhodes straight away and it was so nice to be the first one to hold him. He had a wildly loud cry and I couldn’t get over how different he looks to River. And that’s it. Rhodes completed our little family and our birth was calmer, recovery has been smooth and post-partum has been easier.
What do you wish you knew before birth?
The first time around I was so naïve! I was convinced that I’d have an unmedicated birth and I’d sneeze and the baby would basically fall out! I wish I would have been a bit more realistic in knowing that you really can’t have a plan for birth. Being naïve was good in a sense, because even now if I knew full details of what actually happens during a c-section, I know it would freak me out so in some ways I’m grateful I knew nothing but I also wish I would have been more mentally prepared and educated myself on the differences for recovery.
Second time around, a colleague of mine encouraged me to speak to my obstetrician about my options with an elective c-section and how I could make it less ‘surgical.’ I’m really glad I listened and asked questions. It was nice to know the birth could be tailored as much as I wanted (where it was safe) whether that be through delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, music, lowered drape etc. It was nice to have a little bit of power back and have options to make it a better experience.
If you could, would you do anything differently?
For my pregnancy with River, I wish I would have advocated for myself. Knowing and understanding now how lucky we are that we were both okay, I wish I would have spoken up more when I was dismissed by ED when I had the abruption and I also wish I would have asked more questions (and written down answers) after my c-section.
Second time around there’s not a whole lot I would have done differently. Maybe a little extra time to relax before birth but I ended up with covid at 38 weeks so that couldn’t have been helped.
What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?
For both births my husband was very relaxed, whilst he may not have felt it at the time he was very good at being calm and kept encouraging me. For my second birth he kept checking in to make sure I was feeling okay and spoke up for me any time I felt any discomfort.
What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?
- Listen to your gut and your body. When things started to go wrong with my first pregnancy (both times), I knew in my gut but I didn’t listen and put it down to nerves and me not really knowing anything. You’ll never regret a second opinion, or getting checked so advocate for yourself! You know you and our baby best.
- Second time around it can all be much easier. Every pregnancy and birth can be so different so try not to let any previous experiences dictate your feelings going into the next. And again, speak up! Let your health team know how you’re feeling.