When harmony met nora
Even though I was thrilled to be pregnant after 18 months of trying, pregnancy was really tough on me. I was diagnosed with GD (gestational diabetes) requiring 4 insulin injections a day along with HG (hyperemesis gravidarum). Due to this, I had excepted early on in my pregnancy that I would be induced at approximately 37 to 38 weeks.
I went into hospital on Friday morning at 37 1/2 weeks to start the induction process (I’m not sure if I was excited or scared shitless). After an exam the midwife advised me that my cervix was closed which she assured me wasn’t uncommon with your first. Based on this they recommended starting with the balloon method.
The balloon was inserted and a few hours later some minor contractions began. Unfortunately, I was one of the lucky few that due to the position of my cervix, the balloon caused a blockage of my bladder. This meant I was unable wee for over 18 hours, which was very painful and particularly unpleasant for a heavily pregnant woman. The next morning the balloon was removed (I could finally wee, yay) and I was advised that unfortunately it wasn’t successful, so onto the next step.
Next up was the cervidil tape which was inserted for 24 hours. Saturday came and went, and my contractions continued to get more intense, which we took as a positive sign the tape was working.
Sunday morning arrived and the tape was removed. The Dr informed me that unfortunately the tape was also unsuccessful, and my cervix was still closed. By this point I was absolutely shattered, I was so exhausted I hadn’t slept in 3 days and there was still no end in sight.
It was now Sunday afternoon, and after chatting with my Drs & husband, we decided we give the induction one last try. The cervidil gel was inserted and my constructions became increasingly intense over the next few hours.
Sunday night rolled around, and I was moved to the birthing suites so I was able to use the gas for what would be my 10th cervical exam in 2 1/2 days. I could tell straightaway by the midwifes face, it wasn’t good news. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, your cervix is still closed”.
To say I was devastated would be the understatement of the year.
Shortly after, my obstetrician I’d been seeing in clinic came into chat with us & advised that before they arrange a caesarean, she’d like to examine me herself and try to break my waters.
Finally, very late on Sunday night my waters were broken, I was given an epidural right away so I could try and rest whilst the drip was administered. Things progressed well and I was 5cm within 3 hours, so I decided to have a nap.
I was suddenly woken by a team of Drs and midwives advising me that babies heart rate showed she was in distress & the drip was immediately stopped. After close monitoring over the next few hours, I developed an infection and was advised my labour was no longer progressing. Given all the above they decided the safest option was for me to have a caesarean.
Monday afternoon rolled around, and I was taken down to theatre, I was so ready to meet my baby girl and all the fear I’d had was gone.
My epidural was taken out so that a spinal block could be given, which took half an hour and was incredibly painful. I was in excruciating pain, crying out, unable to sit and I knew something was wrong. The anaesthetist in charge took over and was able to administer the spinal while I was lying down.
Just as the procedure was about to start, the OB came and stood bedside my head and told me it was no longer safe for me to have a Caesarean because the baby was already positioned too low in the birth canal and ready to be born. She explained that because of the spinal, forceps would be necessary, and I would also require an episiotomy.
At that point, I completely broke down on the operating table. I was overwhelmed with fear and crying uncontrollably. How could I possibly push when I couldn't feel anything below my shoulders?
After some calming words of reassurance from my husband, Robbie and my absolutely incredible midwife Phoebe, I was ready. Less than two minutes and two pushes later, my beautiful daughter Nora was finally here.
I was so overwhelmed at this point that I opted for Robbie, to have the ‘golden hour’ of skin to skin.
I remained in theatre for the next hour, during which I haemorrhaged, after having my placenta manually removed.
A few days after getting home, I broke down in tears to my husband, as I felt like I hadn’t really given birth because I couldn’t feel anything. Logically, I knew that wasn’t true, yet at the time, I still felt overwhelmed by a deep sense of failure, shame, and sadness.
Thankfully over the past few months these feelings disappeared. And although my labour didn’t go as planned, I feel incredibly grateful for the amazing support and care I received from my doctors & midwives. And, of course, I couldn’t have done it without my wonderful husband Robbie, who was both my advocate and my rock.
What do you wish you knew before birth?
Just how hard the labour & birth can be on you mentally; I definitely wasn’t prepared. I had a lot of emotions, feelings of inadequacy and shame relating to the birth itself.
If you could, would you do anything differently?
I wish I had asked for pain relief earlier & I don’t think I would allow my induction/labour to go over 84 hours again.
What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?
The constant reassurance and comforting words. After the first two days I was so depleted both mentally and physically I honestly couldn’t have done it alone.
What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?
I don’t believe in birth plans, but I do think it’s important to be well informed. There are no medals for having a particular type of birth & one isn’t superior to the others. Do what is right for you & your baby in the moment.