How to keep your style identity and boost your self confidence as a new mum
Firstly, I’m not complaining about my kids. It goes without saying they’re the most precious things in the world. I am, however, complaining about the fact that my three year old dresses better than me.
Through my twenties, pre kids, I dressed really well. I splurged on great dresses for special occasions, never thinking twice about the cost. My style reflected key pieces that did me all the favors, classic designer glasses and an investment bag, leather boots and a luxe coat for winter and the latest colors and styles from High St labels. I’m typing this in a baggy, stripey top I bought from a discount store. It was 70% off and I figured it would hide stains. This is definitely not the same criteria I used when deciding between two silk tops on High St just 3 years ago.
Now, I couldn’t even tell you what brands of shoes are cool, let alone where to buy high quality tops. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel good in my clothes. This can come across being superficial, but it’s something much deeper. A close friend of mine, Emma, said, “I'm in my mid-thirties but I feel old and out of the loop. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me, even though it’s just… clothing, you know?”
I feel like I’ve lost my identity. I’ve not just moved into motherhood, I’ve moved away from being someone with hobbies and interests. Woven in between those is the ghost of the attention I pay to the way I look after myself. And this leaves me feeling like a bit of a hot mess.
Sadly for many of us, the pressures of mum-shaming are enough to force us into becoming the types of mothers we feel we “should” be, at the detriment of ourselves. We’re told we should put ourselves second or last, we should rush out the house without makeup on so the kids can play, we should always buy clothes for ourselves last. We should.
If this sounds like the stuff you’ve been led to believe about motherhood, you’re not alone. Many of us awaken very slowly from the quiet roar of “should” motherhood years later only to wonder who we really are and why we paid so much attention to the “shoulds” of society instead of filling our cup first. By that point, we’ve lost a bit of ourselves that was, well, fun!
So what’s the antidote to the motherhood identity crisis? And what on earth do the clothes I wear have to do with this? The answer is: self care. Self-care can take many forms and one of them is taking time to dress and style yourself in a way that makes you feel good. There is power in the mundane choices we make every day - from the color of lipstick we decide to wear, to the shoes we put on.
As mamas, there are several things we can do to retain or regain our personal style identity. This isn't about spending money or following trends, but about valuing yourself and your identity. Even if you're on a tight budget, there are ways to feel fantastic without breaking the bank.
You can start making small, meaningful changes today that will significantly boost your self-confidence. Here are some tips from The Mama Style community:
Consider saving for a piece you truly love
Invest in a versatile trench coat
Consider quality over quantity when shopping
Dress for your shape, not for the trends
When shopping, look for items for yourself as well as your children, even if you don’t buy anything
Keep an eye for deals that can help you treat yourself
Consider setting aside a small amount each month in a self-care fund to save for a special item
Motherhood, while an incredibly rewarding journey, often brings with it a shift in priorities and sometimes a lost sense of individual identity. However it’s so important to remind yourself that self-expression and self-care, especially through personal style, aren't superficial luxuries but nourishing tools. As new mums, preserving or rediscovering our style isn't just about aesthetics; it's about valuing ourselves, nourishing our self-confidence, and reclaiming our sense of self. Embracing this approach not only benefits us, but also sets a powerful example for our children about the importance of self-worth and authenticity. Let's challenge the societal "shoulds" and make conscious choices that reflect who we truly are, celebrating both our roles as mothers and the unique individuals we've always been.