The second time around

Being pregnant with your second baby is often different than your first. 

Sure, it feels familiar, but you have less time to rest because you’re running after your other child, less time to focus on the specifics (like waiting for the new week to click over on the baby growth app to see what size it is) and let’s face it - your body just ain’t what it use to be.

Putting aside how much more physically harder it is the second time around growing a baby, it can also come with some overwhelming feelings. Feelings of excitement met with uncertainty. 

For some mums, there are feelings of guilt before the birth of their second child. They feel they are being disloyal to their first, that they’re about to turn their whole world upside down, and that the special relationship they have will be changed. 

The guilt can also extend to their unborn child and their worry of not being able to give them the attention they need, and deserve, like they did with their first because this time you’ll be out-numbered.  Or possibly, there are even doubts about how they will fit into the family. 

The list goes on and the thoughts are endless. But, we’re reassured by other mums that have lived through it that our hearts will grow, that we’ll adapt because we’re more confident and experienced than the first time and that ultimately - everything will just work out. 

You want to believe them and hold onto that lived wisdom from others, and try and remind yourself that everything will, in fact, be OK. And it no doubt will be.

To help you prepare for the transition, we recently reached out to our Cbrmamas community about what worked for them to allow their toddler to adjust to a new baby, and here’s what they said… 

- Let them help you, for example getting a nappy, choosing an outfit, reading a book. 

- Give a gift to the toddler from the baby, and a gift to the baby from the toddler. 

- Be mindful of the language you use. Try not to use the baby as an excuse not to interact with what the toddler wants/needs.

- Organise some new activities, especially sensory ones as the toddler may always want to touch the baby.

- Keep their routine as usual as possible. Day care helps. 

- Get a doll that they can use as their baby to look after, play with and can copy you.

- Have people greet the toddler first, and emphasise the fact the toddler is a big sibling.

- Schedule in special 1:1 time.

- Before the baby arrives, take out all the baby items so they’re used to them and don’t want to play on them.

- When the toddler meets the baby for the first time it’s best if the baby is not in your arms, to reduce jealousy.

- Lots of books about baby coming and open discussion before they arrive.

- Lunchboxes made up in the fridge. Toddler seems to always want a snack when you’re feeding.

- Put together a “feeding box” that you can bring out for the toddler during feeds - this can include new quiet toys that keep them engaged.

- Don’t over think it. 

Cbrmamas would like to acknowledge that having a second, third or subsequent child is an incredible privileged problem to have, as sadly some mum’s can’t. 

So despite talking about these doubtful thoughts - it will be a beautiful time for everyone, and one that we know goes by in the blink of an eye so it’s important to cherish every moment and not take it for granted.