Tell us a bit about yourself?

I’m a Mumma to 2 beautiful children. 4 year old Maci, who’s sassy as anything but the kindest soul and Finn who’s 11 months old. He’s got the calmest personality. Definitely more chilled out than his Sister.

What were you doing before babies?

Before babies I was working in the Early Childhood Education industry. Which I still do and have been for the past 12 years.

How did you come to be a mum?

It was a long, hard journey to becoming a Mum. I first fell pregnant in 2015 after over 12 months of trying. The first 12 weeks were like any normal pregnancy. I had morning sickness daily, I was tired, showed all the usual pregnancy signs. Not once did I think that something may not be right.

My fiancé and I went to our 12 week ultrasound, so excited to see our baby for the first time. The Sonographer went quiet, then asked if I was sure I had my dates right. I was certain on them. She explained that what she was seeing was more like a 6 week fetus or less. I told her there’s no way I could have my dates that wrong. She left the room to go speak to a Doctor and returned a short time later and informed us that the Doctor agreed and that it was likely this pregnancy wasn’t viable. We walked out of that appointment completely shattered with instructions to go to my GP for a blood test. I miscarried naturally a few days later. It was the worst pain I’ve ever endured in my life, physically and mentally.

6 months later I fell pregnant with Maci. The first 12 weeks were torture. Waiting for it all to fall apart again. Once I hit the 12 week mark and was given the all clear for a so far healthy baby, I still was just constantly waiting for something to go wrong. At 20 weeks I had talked myself into thinking I was going to go into early labour. I read a quote once that said “anyone affected by miscarriage has the rosy view of pregnancy stolen forever” this couldn’t be closer to the truth.

Our beautiful Maci was born at 39 weeks via planned caesarean due to her being beech. The first 12 months of her life were hard to say the least. She had an operation at 3 months old for a hernia, she suffered silent reflux, I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and my fiancé also diagnosed with anxiety. It was a hell of a year.

4 years later we decided to try for another one. This was when I found out I had PCOS. I was told to be prepared for a possible long journey to conceive again and the Doctor started talking to me about our options.

Thankfully, a month after my PCOS diagnoses I found out I was pregnant . Finn was born again via planned caesarean because I couldn’t face the risks of a VBAC and just wanted my baby here safely. This time I was determined to beat post natal anxiety and depression, unfortunately it doesn’t work like that and again, I’ve recently been diagnosed with post natal depression but everyday is slowly getting better.

Despite our tough journey, our family is complete. It’s certainly been a ride to get where we are now.

What has your feeding journey been like?

Breastfeeding with Maci was a breeze. She latched straight away and fed like a champ for 13 months before she weaned herself.

Finn on the other hand is a different story. I assumed because Maci was so easy, he would be too. A few days after birth they realised Finn had a tongue tie. We were booked in for him to have it fixed the next week. On his second day at home he started vomiting blood. He had reflux so vomiting was normal for him but the blood was not. I called the hospital and they sent a midwife out. They came to the conclusion because of his tongue tie he had damaged my breast so badly that it was bleeding internally.

He had his tongue tie fixed and all was good for a few days until feeding him on the left side became excruciating. I like to think I have a high pain threshold but this was indescribable the pain I was in. I went to Doctors and lactation consultants and no one could figure out why I was in so much pain because his latch was perfect. This went on for weeks. The GP decided to send me for an ultrasound to see if there was some medical reason as to why. I booked my appointment and a few days before the appointment, the pain just completely went away. Finn’s now 8 months and we’re still breastfeeding.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Sleep? What’s sleep?

Maci was a terrible sleeper from the start. She hated being in her own bed which resulted in co-sleeping which I really hated doing. She’s now nearly 5 and I think she’s slept a full night probably only 4 times in her life.

Finn was an angel sleeper to begin with. He loved his own bed and would only wake once or twice a night from the day he was born. Until he hit the 4 month sleep regression, his sleep hasn’t been the same since. At the moment the kids and I are in our bed and my fiancé sleeps in another room. It’s not ideal but it’s the only way we can all get a decent night sleep.

The hardest bits…

Definitely struggling with my mental health after both kids. Before children I never suffered from mental health. I was the most laid back, calmest, easy going person. When speaking to my Doctor with my most recent diagnosis of PND I said to her “sometimes I just feel like I’m going absolutely crazy. I don’t even know who this person is”

This is the main reason I won’t have any more babies. It’s been too hard and I really haven’t been able to enjoy the baby stage as much as I thought I would.

The best bits…

Seeing my two babies loving on each other. Finn adores Maci and she’s such a great big sister. Even though it’s been such a tough time to get to this point in our lives, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How do you make time for you?

Time for myself is very rare. My fiancé is one of the hardest working people I know and he works 6-7 days a week. This leaves very little time for myself especially with 2 children who don’t like sleep. Once they are down for the night, I make myself a cup of tea and catch up on all the trashy tv, usually with some chocolate in hand.

What’s next for you and your family?

I’ve just returned to work after maternity leave. Our family is complete so I’m excited to move onto the next chapter, save some money and start ticking off some goals for our family.

A piece of advice for our readers?

I know everyone tells you to seek help if you’re struggling but it’s not that easy. You feel embarrassed by admitting to people that you aren’t coping. But my advice is to speak up and seek help. No ones going to judge you or think any less of you as a Mumma. I’ve just spent 8 months hiding the fact that I wasn’t okay and now I’ve actually sought help it feels like a weight has been lifted and I wish I’d done it sooner so I could enjoy my babies more.