Tell us a bit about yourself?

Hello I’m Karen and I’m addicted to online shopping and true crime documentaries. Former introverted ‘type A’ that’s moved a bit towards the middle through recent events who moonlighted as a pinup for a while.

Passionate Canberran who enjoyed travel, whether it be to coast/snow or across the world (say this as past tense because you know - COVID and babies… will get back to present tense soon).

Lover of food, particularly carbs and partial to a cocktail here and there.

Can talk to you for hours about Formula1 and not doing very well in the NRL tipping sadly.

Twin Mum - this is a whole way of life now!

What were you doing before babies/children?

I often ask myself what I did with all my free time before kids?! I can’t clearly remember the time before constantly having both hands full, I know I didn’t appreciate all my “freedom” or the ease in which I could simply do something that’s for sure… but I vaguely remember doing extraordinarily long hours at my “9-5”, side hustling at nights and on weekends, volunteering for some worthy causes, tried to still see friends and do fun things around Canberra/coast/snow… and, as my insta bio still claims - part time pinup-ing… (probably should change that!). I was that “busy” person and I thrived on it, we’ll at least I thought I did…. Oh almost forgot, and trying to get pregnant! Which as anyone who it hasn’t come easy for knows - is basically a full time gig too.

How did you come to be a mum?

This is a bit of journey in itself… at age 30 I met “the one”, the guy I could see being with for the rest of my life and having a family with. We had this instant connection, and dispute being completely different, complimented each other beautifully (maybe there’s something in that opposites attract thing?). Main thing is we agreed on many of the big ticket stuff like setting ourselves up for a family etc. so we bought a house after a year of getting our finances in order. Now unbeknown to me that pesky body clock was ticking away - eggs declining and all that jazz. So we start “trying” at age 32, never having tried before (or had any accidents) I literally had no idea of how long it would take for us. My GP was amazing! She set us straight from the start getting basics bloods for each of us done too just see what was going on there. Luckily we were both pretty healthy and nothing needed any attention at that stage. She said come back if things haven’t happened in a year. That year went by very quickly but each month felt like an eternity with negative tests piling up and annoyingly regular periods that had once been a welcome relief of the past. So we’re back at the GP one year on and she recommends we see a fertility specialist, we’re now 33 and definitely not getting any younger (I said that last bit not the GP). We’re accepted to the books of the fertility specialist but can’t see her for another 8 weeks which felt like forever when you’re living month to month on hope and dreams. Finally our appointment rolls around and we early lap up all the information she has for us, but the big take away was this was going to be harder than we ever imagined. She recommends we start at ‘tracking’, where I go for basically daily blood tests to find the optimal time to work it in the bedroom. At the same time we tested baby daddy’s sperm, because you know, that’s the easy part. So I’m being pricked left right and center, called and told to get our freak on in the morning, night and morning again (which after a while loses all meaning), and we finally find out baby daddy has “supersperm”- which was a blessing and curse to find out.. of course I’m ecstatic that there is no problem there, but you can’t help but think… okay, so I’m the problem then? After 6 months of relentless blood tests and no result, a HyCoSy exam was booked for me, to check on the tubes, follicles, eggs and all the other girly bits that need to get their act together to make a baby. And after fretting a lot, the prognosis was UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY! Oh and some lumps on your ovaries that you should keep an eye on (like I can do that?). Again, infuriatingly perfect results, not a problem at all to be noted! Great right? Well yes, I’m theory is ideal to have no problems, and of course I wasn’t actually wishing for problems, but, if there is a problem you can work on that or work around it… so again months slip by till we can get back into our fertility specialist to discuss next steps, we’re 34 now oh and we have a full blown pandemic going on the background to make matters worse, restricting access to non life threatening treatments… great because that’s what we need to have things take longer. She recommends we start IVF straight away there’s only approximately a 5% chance of falling pregnant on our own and 29% chance with IVF - I was gobsmacked at these figures! Starting “immediately” in reality was still almost another month and half till we could begin (and it was a big IF we could start at that time). Fortunately the world found a way to continue on and we could start without too much delay. This was another world again to learn the lingo and rules, daily injections, more blood tests and generally feeling very rotten each day. Finally it was egg check day, another invasive vaginal exam - yay! But the news wasn’t great this time, whilst I had popped out over 15 eggs, only two were deemed to be an acceptable size to continue with and they explained it simply wasn’t worth the money (or heartache) mathematically to go forward with. Disappointed was an understatement. All that effort for nothing??? To simply try again next month? Then something twigged in my mind… it was literally like those cartoon lightbulbs going off! Wasn’t there that other thing that was like IVF but not completely IVF?… IUI that’s it! It was briefly explained many weeks ago but discarded as an option because it only had a 16% chance of working and and we thought we needed the full shebang. But now I’m sitting here ugly crying because of the hormones and thinking well why the f**k not? I called the doctor back and said I wanted IUI, she said great idea, and next thing I know I’m lying back in the stirrups chair with the longest needle thingy I’ve ever seen being prepared to up there (some other things needed to be quickly coordinated in the background such as baby daddy’s part to play, but we got there). She said wait here 10mins then you can go - so weird. I remember sitting there thinking this is it. And you know what, it finally was! Christmas Eve 2020 blood test returned positive pregnancy, with the nurse saying you’re definitely pregnant - the results are crazy high (first hint it was twins). Six weeks later at the dating scan, confirmed twins, and in fact, it was triplets… but one sack was empty, so that little one was there briefly but went away very very early. I pretty much had to pick up baby daddy from the floor after the words triplets was uttered. Despite it being twins automatically making it high risk and being now classed “geriatric pregnancy” to boot - I had an amazing run, no morning sickness and was feeling heavy but great, all future scans were perfect and we found out it was a boy and girl!

The hardest bits…

Going into unexpected and unexplained preterm labour at 25 weeks. Being scared what this meant. Getting to hospital thinking they’d do something to stop everything, only to be told I was having babies that day. NICU life. Going home without my babies. Not being able to hold my babies for 2 weeks. The constant ups and downs of preterm babies in NICU for 19 weeks. COVID-19 restrictions meaning baby daddy couldn’t see his babies for 3 weeks. Trying to do everything for twins in NICU by myself without baby daddy being able to visit. Seizures, heart problems, breathing problems, eye problems, infections, blood transfusions, reflux, chronic lung disease, test after test after test. Coming home on tubes, still being on tubes months later. Re-admission to hospital and ongoing appointments more than a year later. The best bits… Meeting all the amazing people like nurses, doctors, specialists that care for our babies. You wouldn’t think it, but learning an in depth knowledge of complex medical care for babies. The support we received from family, friends near and far, plus the kindness of complete strangers! Going through something this big was life changing for both of us, our relationship got even stronger and things that previously stressed us no longer mattered. But most of all the seeing my tiny babies tackle every obstacle with strength and ultimately overcome almost everything thrown their way. Watching them now a year on kicking goals and milestones on a relatively normal corrected timeline. Oh and the twin bond coming through.

What has your feeding journey been like?

Feeding has been our biggest challenge of “normal” baby life. Born so early they were too little to breastfeed initially, and despite pumping every 3 hours, eating lactation cookies but the packet, massage, seeing a lactation consultant, taking the medication, trying not to stress about it (yea right like that’s possible), my milk never fully came in. I was able to produce a very small amount, which in the early days meant the babies got a feed a day from me, and then we’re thankfully supplemented by the donor breastmilk program, but even this had to come to an end as they outgrew my supply and after a certain time no longer qualified for donor milk. I held on for weeks trying to make it to 36 weeks when breast cuddles and trying to latch could occur - thinking maybe that would be the trick to increased supply but no such luck. It was at this time after 11 weeks I had to call it for what it was and accept that it just wasn’t going to happen. The babies went onto formula. We then worked with an amazing Speech Pathologist aka speechy to help the babies learn to feed from a bottle. Both of them did take to it after a few tries and we were on our way - this was really the only thing holding us back from getting out of hospital. But in the true nature of the NICU roller coaster, feeding aversions developed and we were eventually told we no longer need to offer the bottle - we were “tubies” now.

Tube feeding is a blessing and a curse. We are so thankful we can feed our babies this way, but it’s a very constricting - you can’t simply pop out with a bottle prepared or whip a boob out on the fly. It’s so much equipment and a very specific way to feed, not conducive to being out and about, so our lives very much revolve around our feeding schedule. The good news is a couple months ago we successfully tube weaned baby girl, her interest in solids was shinning through and speechy review at feeding clinic agreed she was ready. The tube wean is a structured program written by the dietitian and speechy, that initially goes for 3 days then expands out into 2-3 weeks to ensure that it’s safe. It’s intense, there’s tears - from everyone! It has a 70% success rate the first try and 90% on the second try if needed. Thankfully baby girl nailed it on the first try. Now, we are immediately about to start a tube wean for baby boy who is now deemed ready by the team. Keep your fingers crossed for us for baby boy.

What has sleep been like in your house?

We feel extremely blessed that sleep hasn’t been such an issue for us, we didn’t even notice any difference when going through suggested leaps. However, because baby boy is still in the tube and until very recently still experiencing reflux which kept feed volumes low and frequent, we ware still doing 1-2 feeds overnight. Baby boy doesn’t wake up, but we do! Looking forward to a night of more than 4 hours continuous sleep sometime soon.

How do you make time for yourself?

Baby daddy and I recognise the need to plan some downtime for each other, we communicate and plan for a beer with the boys, massage appointment, lashes appointment, dinner with friends, here and there. With twins planning is key! We have a calendar on the fridge to make sure we are both across everything including baby appointments and our own activities.

What’s next for you and your family?

Continue to support our babies development while decompressing from the craziness of the last year. Enjoy the babies growing into toddlers and becoming less medically complicated. Support the hospital and future parents of NICU as a parent liaison, and continue to raise awareness and funds for NICF (newborn intensive care foundation).

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

I’m not entirely sure that anything could be said that would have impact… you simply can’t explain how much having kids will change/affect your life until it happens to you. I recently reflected on this, realising I perhaps wasn’t the most supportive friend/family member and co-worker to those who went before me, but you don’t know what you don’t know!