Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Liv, I’m 27 and I live here in Canberra with my fiancé, Mark, and our two babies Alfie (2) and Peppa (12 months). Mark and I own a café called Teddy Picker’s with my brother, Matt which keeps us totally busy but also gives us great flexibility when it comes to raising a family. You will usually find us out of the house with our kids searching for coffee shops near playgrounds and just generally exhausting every kid friendly outing Canberra has on offer. We find our kids are the type that are impossible to spend a whole day with at home, so getting out and about is what we do best.

What was life before babies?

Mark and I met working together at The Cupping Room. I’d always loved hospitality and it had always seemed like a good option as a career path which is what I was trying to focus on at the time. Deep in my soul I had always wanted to be a mum. I’d become incredibly “clucky” in my early twenties, despite never having a proper boyfriend. Once Mark and I were together it was practically us trying to convince ourselves NOT to have a baby straight away, so we worked on our café baby first and thus Teddy Picker’s was born! Our café has kept us really busy the last 5 years and for us, spending every day at work together is what we’ve always known and loved. Add on a lot of going out for brunching, dinner dates and PLENTY of naps and you’ve got our pre-baby life summed up.

Bump to baby and everything in between

Mark and I have been so fortunate to not have any trouble conceiving. With family members who did not have this same experience it has never been something we have taken for granted. I’ve watched my sister deal firsthand with a hideously unfair amount of fertility struggles and pregnancy loss and her resilience is incredibly inspiring – my hero!

Both my pregnancies were very straight forward and uncomplicated. I had morning sickness both times until 13 weeks but took medication which was the most amazing thing ever and helped me to go to work in a café and not vomit on customers (hooray!). Both babies came on their own before 40 weeks – Alfie’s birth was 30 hours long, ending with an epidural at hour 28 (should have had that A LOT earlier) and forceps, and us leaving the hospital with a healthy baby the next day. Peppa’s birth was long again, drug free (pushing her out and feeling every bit of it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life), but she got taken to NICU for breathing complications and I stayed for 4 nights while they monitored her for an infection. This was shit – I was so grateful that she was going to be okay, but I missed Mark and Alfie and I really wanted to be at home.

What was your feeding experience?

Feeding was not an easy experience with either of my babies. Alfie SCREAMED from the day he was born whenever I’d put him to my boob for a feed. He did this for the first few days which felt like an eternity and I had midwives telling me at day 3 I needed to make a decision that minute about whether I would continue breastfeeding or give him formula. I was completely and utterly confused. Eventually he fed, but the screaming didn’t stop. I’d spend my days with a baby who screamed every time he fed and all the minutes in between (unless I held him to sleep on the couch) and if I wasn’t doing that I was googling WTF was wrong with him. Mark would come home from work and I’d be pushing Alfie back and forth in the pram in our tiny apartment crying, other days I was calling mum to leave work just to help me through the day. We tried osteopaths, doctors who told me to give up breastfeeding, lactation consultants, maternal health nurses, reflux medications – nothing worked. Eventually it was my own research on food intolerances that pushed me to try giving up dairy which fixed everything! By 8 weeks old my baby was feeding well and a lot more content.

Peppa fed well from the beginning with none of the same issues with Alfie, but she was a very uncomfortable feeder. She never seemed to enjoy it, was incredibly squirmy and just overall hard to feed. I eventually took her to a lactation consultant at 4 months old who watched her feed and agreed that she didn’t seem to be having a good time. This time, the osteopath really helped. She had a lot of tension built up from her position in my tummy which was causing her a lot of discomfort and fed perfectly from then on – who would have thought!

I also experienced DMER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex) with both my kids in the first few months of feeding. I had no idea what it was until I recognised the same feelings of feeding with Peppa. DMER is when instead of oxytocin being released when you're feeding your baby and you having this huge feeling of love and mushiness, the opposite happens. Every time I would feed I'd get a gut full of butterflies and feel anxious about absolutely nothing. It would always pass quite quickly, and stopped altogether after a few months, but it was a really strange experience and something I had no idea even existed! I felt a huge sense of relief a few months ago when I came across this term and realised I wasn't the only one going through this!

Overall, breastfeeding my two babies has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I found it an all consuming task, one that occupied my every thought. I was always worrying - are they hungry? are they getting enough? is that food I ate going to give them a reaction? Is that coffee I drank going to send them nutty? I'm glad I kept going and got to a place where it was enjoyable for me and my babes, but I really don't think anything can prepare you for how hard that part can be.

What was your sleep experience?

S.H.I.T – with both babies! Alfie didn’t sleep until we eventually sleep trained him at 12 months old. I battled with whether sleep training was right for the whole first year and put up with 2 hourly wakes the whole time. Eventually we couldn’t do it anymore and after using a sleep consultant he slept through the night after 2 nights! With Peppa we got onto this a lot earlier, but she hasn’t taken to it as well. Sleep with her is sometimes good, a lot of times shit, but we are finding it a TINIER bit easier the second time knowing it won’t be forever. I still baby find sleep all consuming and do wish it wasn’t something I fixated on so much!

The hardest bits

- The ever changing phases – you’ll be onto something good and the next week it all turns to shit.

- All things sleep – the early wakes, the short naps, and just generally how much thought goes into it. It’s an enormous mental load that is exhausting in itself!

- TODDLERS! The fussy eating, the tantrums. I once read that toddlers are life’s greatest form of contraception and there are LOTS of days that I feel this deep in my soul.

The best bits

I love that little kids really bring you back to the present moment and make you enjoy all the simple bits. Really, they make every day so special. They just add these “sprinkles” of happiness to your every day life that, for me, didn’t exist like this before. Making little best friends with your big best friend has really been the best thing I’ve been able to do in my life so far.

How do you make time for you?

We are still in the trenches with our two toddlers so making time for me is hard, like it is for so many mothers, but as my youngest has just turned one I’ve really started to try and make it a priority. One of our biggest non negotiable is that kids are in bed by 7pm. We have worked hard at our military bedtime routine so that we can guarantee to the best of our ability that from 7pm it’s time for just Mark and myself, which is so important for me. We’ve also split up some of the day care pickups so in the afternoons I can have an hour here and there kid free to do whatever I need - I have found this such an important part to my week! Little snippets of time that are booked in that I can look forward to where I know I get a little break have been the best thing ever!

What’s next for you and your family?

I'm back at work and have been since Peppa was 6 months old. I love going back to work and working makes me a better mum so I am enjoying that! We have always said we wanted four kids, I’m one of four and I have always loved the idea of a big family, but since having our crazy two we have realised that just might not be for us. We would love another but this year is a year for us to just enjoy. We’ve moved into our new home, we are going to book in those date nights and enjoy a year of no pregnancy or babies and hopefully a little more sleep!