Maddison Connell
Tell us a bit about yourself?
I am a 26 year old, first time Mum to my beautiful 16 month old son Logan, as well as a Stepmom to three handsome boys Kai (13), Koby (10) and Levi (7). I work full time in the Public Service and teach Acro and Inversions at Flow and Co Studio in Campbell in my ‘spare time’. I love spending time with my family, which consists of many nephews and nieces, as well as putting time into renovating our home and creating memories with our family.
What were you doing before babies?
Before stepping into the role of Mum and Stepmom, I travelled a lot, returning from Europe, China, New Zealand and Hawaii in the space of two years. I was also coaching at a gym in Canberra and playing AFL for the Woden Blues Football Club, where I met so many beautiful friends, including my now Fiancé Nate..
How did you come to be a mum?
My partner and I knew we wanted to extend our family fairly quickly into our relationship to try and keep our children close in age. At the time we already had a 4 year old, 7 year old and a near 10 year old. Once we decided to ‘try’ we fell pregnant the same month, however in late December 2019 we experienced the devastation of a miscarriage. Months later in April 2020, we fell pregnant with our son Logan. I remember we had all the boys over at the time for Easter and I had already started buying cute things to put away, all boys stuff of course because I just knew in my heart we were going to have a boy. I felt a little unwell one morning so decided to check in case, and when I saw the two blue lines I burst into tears and ran around the house. When Nate came home, I had left the test and baby clothes on our bed. I watched as he walked into our bedroom, picked up the test, and just burst into tears, squeezing me and repeating “we are having a baby!” The pregnancy and birth was a bloody wild ride, I developed Hyperemesis Gravidarum very early on in my pregnancy and spent most of my time in the bathroom vomiting. Reaching 41 weeks, we went into sporadic labour on the day we were meant to be induced. I back laboured at home for three hours before giving in and asking to go to the hospital. The back pain was intense before some relief through an epidural was given. After thirteen hours in labour with minimal dilation, Logan’s heart rate dropped off the monitors and we were rushed for an emergency C-section. The local anaesthetic wasn’t taking affect quick enough, so my partner was asked to wait outside the operating room as I was put to sleep. Logan was born at 9:55pm, on 12 January 2021. I met our son at 12:50am for the first time, once the general anaesthetic had worn off, to say it was love at first sight would be an understatement.
What has your feeding journey been like?
I knew when I was pregnant that I wanted to give breast feeding a red hot go. I had been told by so many people what a great bonding time it can be, but not to set my expectations to high. The first 6-8 weeks, I nearly through in the towel so many times, with several blocked ducts, mastitis and torn nipples from bubs poor latch. My partner held true to the promise I asked him to make before giving birth, and kept reminding me of conversations we’d had and my desire to breastfeed, whilst always being supportive of the decision I chose. At six weeks and after talking to one of our friends about the challenges I was facing with his latch, I went and saw an amazing Doctor/Lactation Consultant, who diagnosed Logan with a tongue tie. Once his tongue tie was cut it was honestly a game changer, it’s like a light bulb moment went off and my son just got it, it became less painful and so easy to latch him. Just when I thought we were set and could transition some expressed bottle feeds, my son hit 6 months old and decided that he only wanted the boob and refused to take a bottle. We tried multiple bottle brands, special teat’s and asked different people in our family to try, but he refused to take it. It was a very long four months not leaving the house for longer than 3 hours at a time, but as we were in COVID lockdown most of this time, we just accepted it for what it was. At 10 months, my son decided it was time to put us out of our misery and he started to take a bottle, just before I returned to my full time public service job. We continued to breastfeed until Logan was over a year old, in the afternoons and night as my milk slowly dried up. If I could go back and tell myself to persist it gets easier, I bloody would!
What has sleep been like in your house?
With three active boys, all with different sport and commitments, day naps and rest were non-existent every second week, but we made it work. Logan is now quite a good sleeper overnight, however was very easily woken by any noise when he was little, regardless of our efforts to keep our house noisy from the start to help him get used to it. Luckily we had very understanding older brothers who were happy to do their best to be quiet if it meant their little brother could get some shut eye. Logan had reflux when he was a new born so would only fall asleep if he was fed upright and held over your shoulder for a good ten minutes to get all of his burps and gas bubbles out. The first few months were very hard on my partner and I sleep wise. I would breastfeed my son as my partner put the three older boys to bed. He would then sit up until 3am Logan on his chest, only waking me for feeds if needed, to ensure I was getting some sleep. After 3am my son tended to sleep better and for longer periods, but prior to 3am, he was not about sleep unless it was on Daddy’s chest. Thankfully Logan’s sleep continued to improve as the months went on.
The hardest bits…
The hardest bits for sure were managing a pandemic, everyone’s opinions on parenting, balancing co parenting expectations and ensuring I was giving my stepsons the same amount of love and attention they received pre baby brother. With COVID being such an unknown element from the beginning, and our son having asthma signs from a young age, it was very nerve wrecking raising a baby in that environment. As Logan was my first baby, it was a massive learning curve, with a lot of stressful days and nights. I let too many opinions get the better of me, finding it hard to trust my own gut and instincts, especially on such little sleep whilst still being active in raising my stepsons. I learnt so much in that first year, especially that everyone is right and everyone is wrong when it comes to parenting. No one is a perfect parent, there is no one playbook, so trust yourself and those closest to you. I turned to my Mum, Mother-in-Law, Step-mum, Sister-in-Law, friends (which luckily for me consisted of a mid-wife and paramedic), and of course my partner to help me navigate motherhood and parenthood. People have different opinions on what being over protective looks like, aka the “helicopter parent”, but no one knows your baby like you do, or knows what your baby needs like you do. The biggest thing I’ve learnt so far, is to do what I believe is right for me and our child, despite others opinion and to support my Mother friends around me who are going through the same challenges. I think lots of people can become out of touch and forget how hard parenting young babies can be. Be kind to yourself, protect your close circle and set your boundaries early on, you aren’t there to please anyone but your baby and everyone should be afforded the respect to raise their babies how they see fit.
The best bits…
Hands down the best bits of motherhood for me is seeing my son grow, develop and become his own little person, whilst also watching my stepsons become such amazing older brothers and role models. At the start it was a big adjustment, with my partner spending the time (especially with our then five year old) to teach them how to hold, carry and comfort Logan. He was a bit of a fussy bub from the reflux, so it was very heart-warming to see the boys grow and develop such an unconditional love and patience for each other through each milestone Logan hit. I remember them practising crawling drills with him each day using their switch remote and a brother on each end of his play mat chanting encouragement for him to crawl, until one day he just did and they all screamed with excitement. Now seeing Logan’s face when they arrive home from school or pull up in the driveway, it’s such a priceless moment and you can just see they are his people.
How do you make time for yourself?
My partner is a big believer in happy Mum, happy Bub, so will regularly kick me out of the house (in a loving way of course) and tell me to go and do something for me. Even if that’s just grocery shopping alone or leaving the house to get a coffee at our local café instead of making it at home. Right now my me time is coaching at Flow and Co, I love being around such amazing people, some of whom are mothers themselves, so understand the challenges. I also reach out to my girlfriends who have been such an amazing support to me over the years, especially since having Logan. I also sneak in some me time to research ideas for our wedding next year!
What’s next for you and your family?
My Fiancé and I are getting married in November 2023, with plans to have another baby shortly after we get married. We were expecting to have a baby mid 2022, but unfortunately experienced a miscarriage very early on in January 2022, so we decided to put our plans to extend our family on hold and focus and be grateful for the beautiful boys we have now. In the meantime we hope to finish planning our wedding, finish the renovations in our home and get some travelling done with our family.
If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?
My gosh, if I could go back in time, I would tell myself so much. Most importantly I think I would tell myself to trust my gut, trust my instincts, be patient and parent my child the way my partner and I see fit. We are a team. If that means people don’t agree with us rocking our son to sleep, or breastfeeding past six months, meh, whatever. I would tell myself to stop stressing and remind myself that children are resilient and will learn things on their own time. I would tell myself that it’s okay as a first time Mum to stress and to worry. It is ok to stop your child from hurting themselves, that doesn’t make you a helicopter parent. I would tell myself our children will grow, blossom and love you, even on your hard days, so love them just as much on theirs. Or as a wise 10 year old quoted to me “those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter, well, they don’t mind”, I think he stole it from a Dr. Sues book, but still, very wise boy haha.