Melissa Elfvereson

Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Mel and I'm in my early thirties. I live in Ainslie with my 1 year old daughter, Gigi, my husband Jack and our large Maremma, Harvey. I have lived in Canberra for some time but am originally from Brisbane. I am a newly graduated Occupational Therapist but have continued to work in the community sector specifically in the area of Domestic and Family Violence. I'm a fierce advocate for feminism and respectful relationships. I consider myself carefree and fun loving and up for any adventure. This has been my attitude going into parenting as well. I believe in sharing motherhood journeys to empower others as we raise our children together in the Canberra region!

What were you doing before babies?

Before having Gigi, I was incredibly social and loved to be out and about seeing people or doing things. Whilst this has not necessarily changed with a baby, it definitely takes longer to get out of the house. I enjoyed late nights with friends, sleep-ins, good food and travelling overseas. Jack and I kept busy building houses and I was part way through my 2 year Masters when I fell pregnant. I loved going to the gym with my girlfriend and going for long walks. We're big beach people so the majority of the warmer months were spent at the South Coast or in QLD.

How did you come to be a mum?

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 26. Although starting our family was a conversation we always couched, we were aware that my fertility window may be impacted. We had tried for several months before approaching a fertility specialist in 2019. Jack and I discussed rounding 2019 off with a bang with lots of social events and Christmas celebrations before getting stuck into the fertility options in 2020. Surprisingly, in November we found out I was pregnant without needing fertility help. We were thrilled but terrified. We were living with my parents in law at the time, whilst building our home and I was finishing off my Masters. Jack and I tend not to do anything by halves, and falling pregnant certainly wasn't one of them.

What has your feeding journey been like?

During my pregnancy, I was concerned about breastfeeding. I had never maintained a great relationship with my breasts and even joked during my pregnancy that even my nipples couldn't look at each other as they turned outwards in the final months before labour. I tried not to have too many expectations relating to breastfeeding when Gigi was born but it was one of the best things we did together. She latched really well and I pushed through the pain for the first few weeks. It has been one of my favourite experiences relating to my mothering journey and i'm proud of myself for giving it a go.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Sleep.. What is that? It has been a big adjustment for us in our home. There used to be running jokes in our families that Jack and I could sleep through anything. We were incredibly heavy sleepers and loved a full 8 hours. Gigi has really turned that on its head. We've had periods of full nights and periods of restlessness every hour. No one prepared me for the intense and vivid dreams you can have after birth and I experienced these every night for several months. They were often terrifying and disturbed my sleep quite a lot. Gigi slept in a co-sleeper beside us for the first period, in our room and this worked really well for our family.

The hardest bits…

The hardest part for me has been the unrealistic preconceived ideas I had relating to my 'motherhood journey'. I've never been one for comparing social media posts and stories however I truly believed from what I was following that I would become this whole new me after Gigi arrived and I would leave my old self behind. I often joked that I was waiting for the moment I would burst out crisp, white linen dresses and have my hair beautifully curled as I frolicked with my baby in Byron Bay. I was waiting for these big moments of motherhood reflection and insightfulness that never came. I'm just my old, dorky and silly self and I'm ok with that now. I've learnt in her first year that I'm more than enough to be Gigi's mum. I also think that the worries and anxieties that come along with being a parent can be challenging. I worry about the smallest of things now and consider how my decisions will impact her.

The best bits…

Watching Gigi form relationships with our friends and family is pretty special. They are independent of our own relationships and it's a privilege to watch those blossom. I love her little mannerisms and how she changes and learns something new every day.

How do you make time for you?

I am still figuring this part out. I'm not the best at making time on my own healthy and restorative and generally it still involves too much alcohol and little sleep. I want to start using the time I have for myself to be productive and restful. Jack and I are good at taking turns to do the bedtime routine so if he is busy with Gigi, I tend to jump into the bath with a good book. I'm also trying to get back into running which I enjoyed prior to Gigi. It's certainly not as easy the older you get though!

What’s next for you and your family?

We're planning many trips away within Australia seeing friends and family and discovering new places. Covid has made us realise how many beautiful spots in Australia we're yet to explore and how precious time with family and friends can be. Whilst we love overseas holidays, I think we will be staying on country for the foreseeable future. We'd love to also get stuck into another house build or renovation in the coming years too.

A piece of advice for our readers?

Take all the photos! I remember hearing that as a new parent, we needed to remain conscious of how frequently we had the camera in our child's face but I say stuff it! The time goes so quickly and the sleep deprivation makes it tricky to commit every moment to memory so take all the photos and make sure as mums, you're in those photos too! When putting together this info and thinking about a photo to include, I realised I didn't have all that many with Gigi and that's something I'm going to be changing.