Sarah Marie Tulley

Tell us a bit about yourself?

I am a mum of two darling kids, Elliot – 6 and Zadie – 2, and wifey to a wonderful husband, Vincent. I work in the public service at the Department of Parliamentary Services and also have a side hustle – Sarah Marie Celebrancy, where I hitch legendary lovers and have a hoot while doing it.

What were you doing before babies?

After I finished school, I did a year of study to become a Primary School teacher before realising I would regret it forever if I didn’t give dancing a red-hot crack. I had grown up learning hip hop with Fresh Funk and dancing was what I lived for – it was my identity. At 20, I packed my bags, moved to Melbourne and auditioned for a full- time dance school, Patrick Studios. I was very far out of my league as one of the ‘older’ students and with zero technical training. It was one of the most gruelling, eye-opening and challenging experiences of my life but it gave me purpose and stretched me further than I thought I could be stretched (figuratively and literally). It was full days of dance and physical training, then while everyone went home to rest, I’d head to work at the bar until 2am, teach dance at my local studio…or train with my hip hop crew (lol). We all took it very seriously - one night we trained until 5am, so I slept in a friend’s car because I had to be back at school by 9am.

After four years in Melbourne having a ball with friends, I realised working at a bar and doing sporadic low-paying dancing gigs to make ends meet wasn’t the dream. I moved home to Canberra to join the public service. While I miss Melbourne sometimes, I actually love my job and lifestyle very much. Living in the bush capital is incredible and something I appreciate more as an adult, and it’s nice being close to family. I am thankful I took that time, while I was young and carefree, to throw myself into a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Soon after moving home, I was reintroduced to Vincent, my now husband. Everything then happened pretty quickly for us, as they say in love – when you know, you know.

How did you come to be a mum?

V and I moved in together after a few months and became engaged at 18 months. Together we loved trying new restaurants and visiting wine regions, (specifically going for boozy lunches at wineries), live music and going to the gym together (cute). We were married in 2015 and while we both wanted to start a family, we both felt we might struggle to conceive – based on nothing scientific whatsoever. I had recently discovered I had an autoimmune disease, Hashimotos, and was told by the doctor if we wanted to have kids, I’d need to start medication three months prior to falling pregnant. At the same doctor’s appointment, I was told I wasn’t ovulating (based on a blood test) and that it might take some time to fall.

We were most surprised to discover I was pregnant the following month. We had just spent a few nights in the Barossa drinking far too much wine, and I hadn’t been on the medication for my thyroid. We found it difficult to get excited for fear we’d suffer a loss or complications, but Elliot was born on 4 June 2016, our perfect, tiny bundle of joy. Our hearts were filled with out-of-this-world love, and we were both blissfully unaware of testing ride ahead.

What has your feeding journey been like?

Elliot was born four days overdue but small for his size. We stayed in hospital for a week to do some tests and ensure he could put on weight. I struggled with breastfeeding. Elliot’s latch wasn’t great and as such, my nipples cracked and bled. I had the usual things – mastitis, antibiotics for a staph infection, low milk supply, and some weird lipase thing that meant any milk I was able to express, tasted sour once thawed. I developed anxiety approaching feeding time, which was three-hourly, and at night time. One night after Elliot had fallen asleep while feeding, I pulled what I thought was a bit of fluff off my nipple, only to discover I yanked off a CHUNK of my nipple. I nearly vomited. Breastfeeding was not good. To make things more complicated, from birth Elliot used to scream uncontrollably – mostly in the middle of the night. Nothing would help to settle him, and the stress and exhaustion really took its toll. At 5 months, I felt helpless. I knew something was wrong with Elliot. He wasn’t putting on weight and had dropped off the growth chart. He always seemed pained and as young mum I spent too much time on google looking for answers.

One morning V brought Elliot to me in bed for a feed and Elliot had hives on his face. Vincent admitted he’d spilt his breakfast milk on Elliot’s forehead. It turns out Elliot had a cow’s milk protein allergy and my dairy intake was causing him grief. We immediately got into a wonderful paediatrician and Elliot was prescribed special formula. It wasn’t easy at first as he refused to take the bottle – I tried them all (Pigeon wide neck was the winner), but eventually he accepted formula and improved quickly. It took us four years to go back for number 2 as Elliot has always been a sensitive (but extremely beautiful, intelligent and considerate) baby/child.

When Zadie came along, I was adamant I wanted to give breastfeeding a go. I prepped my nipples with a nipple puller (lol), and made sure if Zadie didn’t have a good latch, I took her off and readjusted. Even though like most I had a goob (good boob) and a shoob (shit boob), I was able to breastfeed Zadie (with lots of perseverance) until 16 months. Zadie has since developed a fondness of nipples which can make people very uncomfortable. She touches them for comfort, and I mean, any nipples she can get her hands on – not just mine. I can’t wait to tell everyone at her 21st.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Lack of sleep has been probably the hardest adjustment for me, personally. If I ever had to choose between sleep or food, sleep always wins – it’s my favourite activity. People try to warn you, ‘you’ll be tired’, but you don’t realise just how tired until you’re in the thick of it! With Elliot, I probably took on the brunt of night time duty once he was on formula, and would glare over at my husband snoring and be filled with rage. Even when Elliot slept, I would lie awake, or wake up in a panic at every noise. We did sleep training early on, several times, but by the time Elliot was 2.5 he slept in our bed most nights. It was mainly for me, so I could reach over and get him back to sleep without waking up too much. We would have the conversation weekly about how he needed to go into his own room.

When Zadie was born, Vincent camped out on a mattress next to Elliot’s bed for six weeks to transition him to his own room. I had Zadie co-sleeping with me in the bed. We both had our child to manage in the night time and it couldn’t have worked more beautifully. Elliot transitioned to his bed easily, because he was ready, and now sleeps through the night there. We enjoy Zadie sleeping next to us, guilt-free, as we now realise, they are only little once. She will move to her bed when she is ready.

I have recently started treatment for anxiety and depression (I know, I seem so put together!). As I age, I find myself understanding more about myself and how I respond to situations. I realise now, these things are ingrained in me but have definitely become exacerbated since becoming a parent. My anxiety treatment helps me to sleep better at night and ultimately helps me to function better during the day.

The hardest bits…

When I’m needed by every member of the household at every waking moment. When I’m exhausted and my husband wants to cuddle.

The best bits…

When I’m needed by every member of the household at every waking moment. When I’m exhausted and my husband wants to cuddle. Also, the laughter that fills the household, when the kids play nicely (.05% of the time), watching Elliot help Zadie and when he calls her ‘darling’, watching them grow and change daily, the funny things they say, the CUDDLES, the love – everything, really.

How do you make time for yourself?

Running a business means I need to take time out from the daily grind. It’s work, but it’s enjoyable and social so that’s my ‘me’ time. We found once Zadie came along, it worked well if Vincent cared for me (i.e. made sure I was fed, hydrated etc), allowing me to be in the best possible state to care for our baby. Highly recommend – my husband still brings me toast and coffee every morning, two years on.

What’s next for you and your family?

Ideally, we’d love to fix up our family home but we’re quite content at present. We’re settling into, and enjoying, life as a little family of four. Taking it day-by-day and gearing up for a massive end of year for my little love biz.

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Don’t listen when they say the messy house can wait. If it makes you feel better, mentally, to have a tidy house – outsource everything you can! Get a Roborock vacuum (game changer), purchase pre-made meals or hire a cleaner. Clear space, clear mind. You can still be eternally grateful and acknowledge all of your blessings in life, and still battle with anxiety and depression.

Lastly, try to remember they do things in their own time. A little encouragement helps, but ultimately, they will decide when they are ready to walk, lose the dummy, use the toilet. Just love them hard in every stage they are in.