Rachel Griffiths
Tell us a bit about yourself?
Hi CBR Mumma’s, my name is Rachel Griffiths formerly (Lalliard) I am 27 years old and work part time in the government. I have a 6-year-old little man who has special needs and 2-year-old girl with a personality larger than life. My husband Sam and I have been together since we were 16 years old and got married 2 years ago (today) with both our little humans at our wedding. We are an outdoor adventurous family with kids that have just moulded into that lifestyle better than we ever could have imagined.
What were you doing before babies?
Before babies…. well, we had our little ‘surprise’ at 21, so to be perfectly honest, we were partying, we had a jet ski and would spend a lot of time camping and being by the ocean. We had started saving for our first home but were living with my in laws at the time. We had a cleaning company that we (mostly Sam) started in college he was working for that and I was a project officer at a not-for-profit disability support service.
How did you come to be a mum?
As I mentioned before we fell pregnant with our little ‘surprise’ at 20. It was not something we had planned to do but not something we hadn’t ever talked about doing. We both desperately wanted to be parents, but the plan just wasn’t at 21. However, we had been together 5 years by this point so could see no reason to not have this wonderful little miracle.
How unprepared were we for what was to come next…
My pregnancy with my son was an absolute dream. I had no morning sickness, no real pregnancy symptoms other than a bit of reflux and the usual aches and pains. I had a couple of colds as I was pregnant over the winter and could not take any of the good cold and flu drugs- but that was really the worst of it. Then came labour…. I went into natural labour the day after my due date, I remembering laying in the bath and had 2 contractions and looked at Sam and said ‘I think this is the feeling we have been waiting for’ these contractions lasted THREE DAYS… yes you read correctly 3 days!!!!! I was lucky enough to get into the continuity program at TCH and was texting my midwife like crazy, they came out to the house a number of times and checked how things were travelling and no one seemed too concerned. After not sleeping for what felt like an eternity we went into the hospital to get my waters broken to hopefully help the process along. I was determined on doing it naturally and got to 8cm dilated before things made a turn for the worst. They could no longer get a heart rate from the baby, I was exhausted and vomiting, my contractions never got closer than 4 mins apart but I remember the pain was excruciating. They checked me again and said my cervix had swollen and things had regressed and I had gone back to 2cm dilated. All I could remember thinking was ‘I need to get this baby out, something is not right’. They called the specialist in she observed me for a few minutes, watched the monitors, watched me and called emergency caesarean. I am not going to lie, I have never been more relieved in my life to hear those words. It was a total of 17 minutes from the OBGYN saying those words to the time our son was born.
When he came out, I remember hearing his tiny little scream and feeling so happy he was ok. Then they lowered the curtain and we saw this tiny, tiny, tiny human (2.25kg to be exact) that was almost grey in colour. Soon after he started coming out in all these tiny bruises, they referred to it as the ‘blueberry muffin rash’. From then he continued to deteriorate. They took him up to the NICU and Sam went with him. I had no idea what was going on. His liver was completely failing, he had multiple calcifications on his brain, he had pneumonia, honestly the list goes on. I literally had to ask the doctor to write me a dot point summary of all the issues each day because I could not retain the information. The first list was 4 pages long. It took 3 days to diagnose our little man with Congenital Cytomegalovirus (CMV). They told us he was textbook symptomatic and would likely not make it past 4 weeks of life, if he did, he would likely be completely deaf and/or blind, have mobility issues, again this list went on for potential future issues. Obviously, this was a complete shock to us, and a really tough time in our relationship. We both handled the situation completely different. Sam disconnected and shut off, he was still present, but not (if that makes sense) it was his way of protecting himself from the pain. It was too late for me; I was already so connected to this poor little human and felt guilty as CMV is contracted in utero and presents itself with cold and flu like symptoms. I quickly began researching CMV and now like to think I am somewhat of an expert in the topic. So please reach out if you have any questions. After a little over a month spent in isolation in the NICU we were finally allowed to take our man home. It was within a week that he started to show signs of improvement after beginning his multiple medications. Valganciclovir was one that we were able to use at home. This is a cytotoxic medication, meaning we had to change his nappies, dress him, and bathe him in full PPE gear. We were provided these purple bins from the hospital that we would put his nappies or any excretions into and take back to the hospital each week for them to be incinerated. We did this for the first 6 months. Our son William (Billy) has continued to beat all the odds. He has had some long term health problems as we were told, he is now profoundly deaf, he has a very compromised immune system, he is visually impaired, he is ASD level 2, has ADHD, sensory processing deficit and a global delay. His gross motor skills have not skipped a beat though. He wears a hearing aid and got a cochlear implant when he was 3 years old. He doesn’t let it affect him one bit though. He is kind, caring and super outgoing and we are so proud of the little man he is becoming.
It took us a little while to go for number 2 (as you can imagine) but we always knew we wanted to. We waited until Billy got his cochlear implant fitted and decided we would try. We were super lucky and fell within 4 months of trying. Then found out through the harmony test we were having a pink one! I have decided girl pregnancies suck (well for me anyway) I had morning, midday and evening sickness almost my entire pregnancy. I had about a 4-week gap at 22 weeks which was nice. I dislodged my pelvis trying to sit on the bench at 20 weeks, it clicked right back in after though. Migraines, reflux, stretch marks, braxton hicks, insomnia. You name it, I likely had it. As you can imagine, I was quiet anxious something would go wrong again, it all felt too good to be true. In saying that one of the greatest moments of my life was the moment she was born. I chose to go for an elective caesarean and take all the stress out of it. It was a beautiful experience, where we could truly be in the moment. Hearing her little cry was so relieving, but not as relieving as when our little Alora Rose passed her hearing assessment. She now rules the roost and has us in hysterics regularly!
What has your feeding journey been like?
I struggled a little with Billy being so young I always tried to hide and him being so small and weak some feeds could take up to 2 hours. I only managed to breastfeed him for 4 months. With Alora I did 6 months and enjoyed every minute.
What has sleep been like in your house?
I have always tried to have a glass half full approach to life and there are positives of having a deaf child LOL. Sleep with William was and still is as easy as anything! Alora on the other hand… I realised how much I took the sleep for granted with Billy. It took her until she was just over 2 to have her first full night’s sleep. She is 2.5 now and still gets into bed with us between 1-4am most nights, but will go straight back to sleep, so can’t complain too much anymore.
The hardest bits…
Honestly, the lack of sleep with number 2. I remember a few nights laying outside her bedroom door in the hallway on the ground sobbing, I was so defeated. Having a 4/5-year-old to wake up to and be awake all hours for was a struggle at best.
The best bits…
There are soooo many, but I think getting through the hard times with your partner/ best friend is pretty amazing or watching them grow up and love each other just as much as we love them.
How do you make time for you?
I have always been so big on making sure we had time to still be ourselves. Having started a lot earlier than majority of our friends I was determined to make sure we could still have a life outside of being parents. I have heard and seen so many marriages break down after the kids grow up and move out. I don’t want to be one of those. I try really hard to keep in touch with my friends and see them regularly with and without kids present. We try now to be strict with bed times so that we have our own time at the end of the day together, even if it’s just to sit and watch the newest Netflix series, it’s not bluey (which is great btw) or Peppa pig.
What’s next for you and your family?
I think we are done with adding any more mini-Griffiths to our tribe. We have our little pigeon pair. It is time to travel and give these kids the best life possible. We would love to one day travel Australia for 12+ months camping and seeing all the sites, but who knows what curve balls life has in store. We have a lot of additional time and effort that goes into managing Billy’s needs, but we are only getting stronger and more confident with the support of his therapists. When it comes to Alora, I would love to be re-interviewed when she hits the teen years, #prayforus!