Tell us a bit about yourself?

I am a soon-to-be 36 year old, mother of 3.5yr old Frank and 1yr old Penny. I am a Clinical Psychologist by training, an avid amateur baker, and mediocre housewife.

What were you doing before babies/children?

I was working as a psychologist for a company that provided addiction-focused intervention to male offenders in prison, as well as my own private practice. I was living with my now husband and his father as we saved for a house, wedding, and honeymoon. My husband and I were married in 2018 and a year later welcomed our first babe. 

How did you come to be a mum?

Looking back, my journey to motherhood was not plagued with any major challenges, but there were moments of difficulty. At around 7 months of trying, we made an appointment to our eventual obgyn to get a professional lense on our situation. He was recommended by a number of women in my social network and I instantly felt at ease with him. He hypothesised that I may have had mild endometriosis and suggested a laparoscopy to explore, and also a 'chicken scratch' on the uterus to give it a bit of a kick start! I did not hesitate to take on this advice as I saw more gain than loss. There was no endo, and two cycles later I was pregnant. I continued to work in the prisons full-time, and that was one of the hardest parts of the process as the environment had become more unpredictable and unsettled throughout the years.

I wasn't the first prison-based employee to attend work pregnant, but for me, there was something very exposing about being pregnant in such an environment. I noticed a higher level of anxiety going into work and a more obvious sense of relief when leaving. I intended on having six weeks off before maternity leave but our babe decided to arrive about a month early. My waters broke at home as I was falling asleep, we went to the hospital, was observed and then sent home with a obgyn appointment for the following day. That day we had our car seat installed, went to the the appointment, and had burgers for dinner, courtesy of Uber eats. Without knowing I was in labour that evening.

Contractions started a few hours later, the projectile vomited followed, and after three phone calls to the hospital, I was told to start making my way in. Contractions became more and more intense but longer apart; about 10 minutes between them. After about 5 hours I felt the need to push. All I remember is having an internal exam and then the midwife pressing an emergency button. An obgyn and his student attended, I had another internal exam and heard the words "she's fully dilated and I can feel feet" I knew exactly what that meant, my husband had no idea. I was mentally preparing myself for a cesarean which I wasn't phased about. The attending obgyn gave me his opinion to avoid the cesarean but advised I wait for my Dr to arrive. On my obgyn's advice, I had a vaginal birth of a breech-baby. At the time I didn't realise what I had achieved but looking back I get shook up on what my body was able to go through. This experience into motherhood was fast, chaotic, and anxiety fuelled, which was completely different from my second experience; a planned induction with pain relief! 

What has your feeding journey been like?   

I breast fed both my babes; Frank until 5 months and Penny till 6 months. I had a lot of trouble with Frank, experienced some block ducts (not mastitis thankfully), and discomfort. I was really nervous about breastfeeding in public places which only added to the difficulty. Looking back, I was too caught up in my head to give myself a chance to be calm and connected when feeding Frank. The second time around I knew what to expect and it came much easier. 

I didn’t realise how hard breastfeeding was going to be and was initially saddened that I hadn’t persisted for longer. However looking back, stopping when I did was the best decision for me and my family.  

What has sleep been like in your house?

We have been blessed with two great sleepers. Both babes settled into their routines pretty quickly so we had predictability. However once Frank started to walk it was all over! My husband has had to battle with the night time neediness as Frank only wants dad over the evenings (not complaining!) Also, once the sun is up, everyone needs to be up! 

The hardest bits…

This question is easy! Learning that the juggle isn’t real! I use to, and still do, see lots of working mums or mums running businesses say that it just takes juggling work and mum-life and success will continue. I call BS on that. As a director of a psychology practice with multiple staff, mother of two small children, wife, family member, and friend, learning to juggle does not cut it! Some things will need to give, as it is impossible to give your all in every aspect of your life. For me this looks like some weeks where I’m working more days than my diary allows, missing out on the kindy pick up, going to bed many hours after my husband has, or rescheduling clients. 

I love every aspect of the life my husband and I have created for ourselves and our little family, but there are days I am not very nice person or I’m very absent. This isn’t a juggle, this is the sacrifice, and I am learning to be OK with that, and be kinder to myself about it.

Also, the tantrums! Learning how to de-escalate a dysregulated growing brain when you yourself is triggered is just SO. DAMN. HARD.  

The best bits…

There are so many! 

the cuddles.

the squeezes.

 The nose kisses.

Our special routines.

Their squishy hands.

Their chubby cheeks.

Watching curiosity and delight fill their face when they witness something for the first time. 

Teaching them new things.

Watching their relationships with family grow.

Being caught off guard when they say a new word.

When they say mum.

When they want mum and only mum. 

How do you make time for yourself?

I’ve taken up baking as a hobby. I started off decorating cookies and recently moved to cakes as I realised birthday cakes were not cheap! I often do this at night when the kids are asleep. My husband hated it initially because as the typical over achiever I am, I started taking orders and just spreading myself too thin. I now bake for people I know or when the request is for something I’ve wanted to do for a while. 

What’s next for you and your family?

This is a big question for me! No idea! I do know that my husband and I are extremely blessed with our two babes and the family we have created. 

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Let the unrealistic standards go; aim to be the good-enough mum, not the perfect one (I reas rhat somewhere a long time ago, and I tell my clients that all the time!)