Tell us a bit about yourself?

I am 36 years old, partner to Deniz, Mum of three young boys all aged under 4, Pilates Instructor and Infant Sleep Specialist. I live a very active life. I love to be outdoors, connecting with other women and having shared experiences. I dislike cooking and I am forever grateful for the support that I have around me that allows me to do all the things that I love and excite me, whilst growing a family.

What were you doing before babies?

Prior to babies I was in the fitness industry since my late teens. I started teaching aerobics classes when I was just 17 and that flowed into a successful career as a gym owner, personal trainer, and ultimately supporting women through their health and wellness journey. I am also fortunate to have worked for lululemon athletica for the past 7 years, both in their retail store and as part of their AUS/NZ Education and Training team, and am currently on my third mat leave with the company.

How did you come to be a mum?

I met my husband back in 2014. At the time our relationship was very casual; kids weren’t on the cards as we both lived very fast paced and independent lives. It was more important for us both to travel, experience life together as a couple before entertaining the idea of a family. After a few years together and settling into a real partnership, we started the conversation of kids. Then three months later I became pregnant with my first son, Mavi.

We never planned on having three kids, but we also didn’t avoid it. It was after having both Mavi and Kaya, and feeling more confident as a mum that we unintentionally became pregnant a third time. Although it wasn’t a straight forward “yes”, both Deniz and I were very content with our two boys, I think I knew deep down that it was the right thing for our family to keep the pregnancy and have another baby.

What has your feeding journey been like?

I’ve been fortunate to have no issues with breastfeeding. One of my closest girlfriends is a midwife and she suggested I do some antenatal expressing. I did this for each of my babies’ for about 2-3 weeks before they were born.

While I didn’t really feel set-up about what to expect when it came to breastfeeding, I didn’t experience anything challenging. I definitely think the antenatal expressing helped in my feeding journey and took away from any potential stress that I wouldn’t be able to feed my babies initially.

I just rolled with the experience and I was able to successfully breastfeed each of my boys. For Mavi I breastfed him through until about 8-months and then he naturally self-weaned. It was a strange experience to have him take the lead with weaning as I’d always imagined I’d breastfeed for longer. But I didn’t force it and in fact it was nice to reclaim my body in a way that I was craving.

With my second boy Kaya, it was a different story. My Dad got very sick soon after I gave birth and I carried a lot of stress around this experience. I tried to feed Kaya for as long as I could, however with the pressure of needing to care for my Dad and feed on demand, it was too much. It was then I decided to mix-feed and offer formula, and it wasn’t long after that I turned to formula only because it was much easier on me.

I was 100% comfortable with this.

Currently I’m predominately breast-feeding my new baby and all is going well. Knowing that this is my last baby and last experience of breastfeeding, I would like to hold onto it for as long as I can. It truly is a special experience.

What has sleep been like in your house?

At the moment – hit and miss! I had forgotten what it felt like to have a newborn in the house and live off such little sleep, BUT sleep is absolutely a priority in our house. With a background in health and wellness, I have always understood the importance of sleep and the impact of sleep deprivation on adults.

When Mavi was six-months-old I engaged a sleep consultant to support me in guiding him to sleep independently and it was by far the best decision that I made, early on in my parenting journey.

I knew for the sake of my own mental health, my relationship with my husband and my children, and for their own health and development, that it was paramount that my babies sleep well.

This experience had a huge impact on me personally to the point where when I became pregnant with my second child I began my studies in infant sleep so that I too could support and guide other families with their baby sleep. I am fascinated by the way babies sleep and the science behind it, and I love to share this with families that are keen to learn.

Both my toddlers sleep 12-hours each night and have been independent sleepers from six months of age. My husband is the night owl in our family! He wakes up every morning at 3am and goes to work. It’s crazy!

The hardest bits…

With each pregnancy and subsequent birth, the challenges have evolved. I have always been challenged by the transition of adding a family member and spreading my arms and love in greater directions. The Mum guilt is real!

At the end of each day I’m questioning who I didn’t hold enough, was it my baby, or my eldest, perhaps even my husband? And then there’s my own self-love and giving back to myself so that I feel fulfilled in the person that I am outside of being a Mum. It is so important for me to feel a sense of purpose and contribution outside of my home and so when I neglect this particular area of my life I find myself feeling depleted and a bit disorientated.

I try not to overthink it, however still stay tuned into which part of my life or family I feel most disconnected with so that I can be proactive about giving energy to that part.

The best bits…

It sounds cliché, but really, it’s everything.

I adore watching my boys play together, it warms my heart. Watching their personalities develop, the compassion that they show for each other and for myself and their Dad. I feel incessantly proud of my family and what we have created together. I am grateful that I can take my boys on adventures during the day when their Dad is at work and trust that they will stay close by, that they take personal responsibility at such a young age to stick close to each other and listen to direction.

We have a lot of routine in our day and I definitely think this has helped create boundaries and then essentially freedoms to our day.

How do you make time for yourself?

Before I had my newborn, I’m always up before my boys wake and fit in 45-minutes of Pilates, and then back to bed with a cup of tea ready for when the boys wake up and join me in bed. On Wednesday and Saturday morning my husband stays home and looks after the boys so that I can teach Pilates. These daily and weekly rhythms are so important to me so I’ve tried hard to continue them even with babies!

My husband and I try to have a date night or lunch date every couple of weeks, as well as a weekend away without the kids every couple of months. This will certainly look different now with a new baby however for both of us it’s a priority to re-connect and have proper adult conversations once in a while.

As every parent could attest to, when there are kids around it is rare to complete a conversation OR really hear each other when we speak. So we really do need to actively create the space for each-other otherwise weeks pass and we become like house mates raising a family.

What’s next for you and your family?

I have just given birth to baby Arie, he is 10-weeks old. I’m taking each day slowly and trying not to put too much pressure on myself. Just adjusting to this new normal.

Family aside, I launched a new business Olivia Mae Sleep (@oliviamae_sleep) back in September 2021 and have been supporting Canberra based families achieve a better night sleep through gentle sleep training, both online and in-home. My goal is to educate parents around what their options are when they have a baby that doesn’t sleep.

I am still taking on a small number of clients each week as it’s a real passion project for me. Once I get into the swing of being a mum-of-three I plan to put more energy into growing my business further.

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

The only constant is change, so don’t sweat the small stuff. I love the saying “if it's not going to matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes being upset by it.” It’s not always easy to adhere to, however with children I’ve learnt that you can potentially stress about everything. And it’s not worth it.

As long as they are safe, and loved, and you are OKAY as their parent, then they will also be OKAY.