Sarah Emerson

Tell us about yourself…

I am a 33-year-old Canberra woman, fiancé to the most amazing man, Mitch and mum to an awesome 14-month-old boy, Spencer. I have lived in Canberra my whole life and I am a public servant for the federal government working within the Family and Domestic Violence space.

What were you doing before babies?

I LOVE watching the sunrise. I love the quiet and calm before most of the world wakes up to start a new day and make a fresh start. Any chance I got I was rolling out a swag on a beach or pitching a tent in a national park, sipping wine by moonlight and taking dips at sunrise with my friends. I still watch the sunrise some mornings but it’s usually through the cracks of my son’s nursery blinds as I’m wrestling a poop covered toddler.

How did you come to be a mum?

Mitch and were extremely lucky. I fell pregnant first try. The day my pregnancy test confirmed it, I walked up Mt Taylor and sat at the top watching the sun come up and just crying happy tears. I really loved being pregnant, except the last couple of swollen and tired weeks. I had never felt more feminine and beautiful in my life. I was in total awe of my body and how it was creating a tiny little human that was half me and half the man I love. So amazing! Labour on the other hand, I did not love! My waters broke about 4:30 in the afternoon on Friday 7 February and Spencer was brought into the world via emergency C-section at 4:43pm on Saturday 8 February. My best friend of almost 30 years was also my midwife which was incredibly special and made the entire journey so much more enjoyable. Having her there as a friend and support person, but also knowing that she knew exactly what was going on medically provided Mitch and I so much comfort. I didn’t get to hold Spence right away, as he was rushed off to NICU so my friend was showing me pictures of him while I was in recovery, she was also milking me to give colostrum to Spence. You know your close friends when you don’t blink an eye to her asking to milk you. When I finally got to hold Spencer, it’s like the whole world just stopped and nothing else mattered. He was and still is the most amazing part of my world and sometimes I look at him and still can’t believe I created him. .

What has your feeding journey been like?

Spence was tube fed for the first few days of his life because of some issues with his glucose levels and then he was bottle fed formula top ups until my milk supply was enough to fill him up. By about week 3 he was exclusively breastfed. Breastfeeding was really hard at first. I spent countless hours googling anything and everything to do with breastfeeding. Was I doing it right, is he getting enough, is he getting too much, which side, how often, is the foremilk and hind milk ratio right, is he sucking for comfort or is he still hungry. The list went on and on and it was so overwhelming. Not to mention the extreme nipple pain, exhaustion, embarrassment of doing it in public because of judgy eyes, the pumping, the celebration when I managed to pump more than the day before, the heartache when I spilt the breastmilk all over the leather lounge or the bed. I think I spent at least the first month walking around my house without a top on and dried breast milk on my trackies. I exclusively breastfed Spencer until he was almost 6 months and started eating solids and I continued to breastfeed him until he was about 13 months.

What has your sleep journey been like?

Sleep? What’s that! Our sleep journey, or lack of sleep journey has been the biggest challenge for me, mentally and physically. People kept saying to me while I was pregnant to sleep as much as I can while I can but unfortunately, sleep does not accrue like holiday leave or flex time.

I expected to be waking a lot throughout the night when Spence was a newborn, feeding, changing, providing comfort. He was a brand new human and needed his mumma and I really embraced all of our little moments together and found myself sitting in my rocking chair just lost in him for hours. Then things seemed to get worse. Instead of waking every couple of hours, and going back to sleep after a change or fed ect, he woke every 20-30minutes and on occasion it took a long time to get him back to sleep, only to wake again shortly after. Months of sleeping in 30 minute intervals really impacts so many aspects of your being and your life in general. I was mentally and physically exhausted, depressed, gaining weight, then losing it, then gaining it again.

My son started sleeping through the night randomly when he was 9 months old but it only lasted about 6 weeks. The most amazing 6 weeks though! I think we have tried everything short of voodoo and CIO trying to work out a way to get him to sleep longer but I think I have just come to accept it now and we do what we can to manage life on an average of 3-4 hours’ sleep at night.

I have been back at work since mid-January and Spence is still not receiving any gold stars in the sleep department so we have been co-sleeping just so my partner and I can get a little rest and are able to function (somewhat) at work. Sleep when the baby sleeps is great advice, if you have a baby who sleeps.

The hardest bits…

Looking back over the last 14 months of being a mum, and even from the moment I fell pregnant, the hardest part was doing it all without my mum. She passed away suddenly in 2015 and although there have been so many moments over the last 5 years that I wish I could have shared with her, becoming a mum myself is defiantly the one I wish she was here for the most. I remember thinking during my labour how badly I wished she was there, holding my hand and helping me through it. My partner was amazing mind you, but even at 32 I still needed my mum the most when I felt scared and in pain. I think being a mum has also made me fully appreciate just how strong her love for me was and the sacrifices she made for me and I wish every day I could have told her this.

The lack of sleep has definitely been hard too.

The best bits…

This list is endless! I find new things to love about Spence and being a mum every day!. Every time he does something new I feel so excited and proud. When he says mum or points out the aeroplanes in the sky, every time he laughs or smiles. When he gives me kisses and cuddles or wants to hold my hand and walk around showing me new things he’s discovered in his world. A highlight though was looking over at Mitch as they were taking Spence out of me and seeing him so emotional. He went with Spence to NICU while I was in recovery and hours later when I was able to go up there, Mitch was still crying and just staring at him, eagerly waiting for his first cuddle. He stayed awake with him in the first few nights, just holding him as often as he needed, watching kids movies with him because he thought it would comfort him.

Thinking back to those first few memories makes me so emotional. So many people spend their whole life searching for love and dreaming of a family and I feel incredibly lucky to have the most amazing partner and perfect little boy.

How do you make time for you?

I probably haven’t been great at this over the last year but I’ve been focusing on small things I can do every day to recharge and relax. After I drop Spence off in the mornings, I spend 5-10mins sitting in my car before work, sipping my hot coffee and listening to podcasts. On days when Spence is home with me, we always start our day with a walk to our local coffee shop or around the lake.

What’s next for you and your family?

At the moment Mitch, Spence and I are enjoying being a little trio and after our wedding in November, Mitch and I might start thinking about making a little friend for Spence.