CW: This story involves birth trauma.

After a year of trying to conceive naturally without any luck, my partner, Rob, and I were given a referral to see a fertility specialist. Routine tests showed I had PCOS, tubal occlusion and low levels of progesterone. Over the next two and a half years, I underwent countless fertility tests and procedures before Rob and I made the decision to try IVF. Much to our surprise, a month before we were due to start IVF, I found out I had fallen pregnant naturally. Seeing those two pink lines appear on the pregnancy test was a long-awaited miracle.

I was incredibly lucky to have an easy and dream-like pregnancy. Other than severe fatigue, I experienced very little to no symptoms and I even managed to dodge morning sickness. I was, however, diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 16 weeks but it was well managed with diet and exercise. I loved being pregnant and found joy in seeing my body change and my belly grow.

At 38+2 weeks, whilst rolling over in bed in the middle of the night, I felt a popping sensation followed by a Hollywood-style gush of fluid. I knew instantly that my waters broke so I called the Maternity Assessment Unit (MAU) at the Canberra Hospital, who told me to come in for a check-up.

Once at the hospital, it was confirmed that my waters broke and I was hooked up to a CTG machine for monitoring. The midwife told me that while baby was fine, I was at an increased risk of developing an infection as my waters broke before labour started. I was advised to go home and I was given a short window of time for labour to begin, otherwise an induction would be required. So, Rob and I went home to play the waiting game.

By the time morning rolled around, I was having mild irregular contractions so I spent the day resting and bouncing lightly on my gym ball. As the day progressed, my contractions slowly increased in intensity and by 8:30pm they were coming in fast and strong. A phone call to the MAU confirmed that my contractions were strong enough to head into hospital so Rob and I jumped in the car and made our way over.

In the car, I became hot and sweaty and I started to feel nauseous. Rob was encouraging me to breathe through my contractions but the pain was too much and I ended up vomiting all over myself in the car. Once we arrived at the hospital, I had to strip down in the parking lot to change. Thankfully, Rob called the MAU to request assistance and a midwife came downstairs with a wheelchair to bring me inside.

Once inside, I was hooked up to the CTG machine again and I was given a morphine injection to try alleviate some of the pain. I was then admitted to my birthing suite and given an examination, where the midwife confirmed I was 6cm dilated.

After an hour, I was begging for stronger pain relief. I called for an epidural at 2:20am and the anaesthetist was there by 2:30am. The anaesthetist put the epidural in but had issues with the positioning so he had to call his supervisor for assistance. After what felt like an eternity, the epidural was finally in place and 15 minutes later my contractions had subsided. By this point, I had been awake for 41.5 hours and I was so grateful for the epidural as it allowed me to get some much-needed sleep.

At 6:00am I was woken up for another examination, and the midwife confirmed I was now 8cm dilated. I was given some Pitocin to help speed up labour and by 10:00am I was 10cm dilated. The midwife told me to wait an hour before I could start pushing to allow passive descent of the baby’s head.

When 11:00am rolled around I started pushing with the direction of my midwife. After 30 minutes of pushing, I started to develop a fever with my temperature sitting at 38.6°C. In between contractions and changing positions, Rob and the midwives began placing icepacks on my body to try bring my temperature down. My heart rate and baby’s heart rate were also rapidly increasing. At this stage, I was feeling light-headed and spaced out. The pushing was so intense that it took me to the absolute limits of my physical capabilities. I pushed for a total of two and a half hours before the doctors came in and told me that an assisted delivery was the safest way to bring baby into the world.

I was given a grade two episiotomy and then a vacuum cup was applied to baby’s head. At 1:58pm on 13 May 2024, after a few difficult minutes of me pushing and the doctor forcibly pulling, Spencer came into the world. Spencer was immediately placed on my chest but only for a few short minutes before he was taken away for examination. Spencer’s head was bruised and had cone-shaped swelling from the vacuum, and his right arm was bruised from getting stuck in the birth canal. However, the midwives reassured me that Spencer’s injuries were superficial and that he’d heal without treatment in two to three days.

While Spencer was getting examined, a nurse gave me an oxytocin injection in my thigh to assist with delivery of the placenta. The doctor began to gently manipulate the umbilical cord to try pull the placenta away, but it seemed to be stuck. The doctor attempted to remove the placenta a handful of times before a second doctor tried, without success. It was determined that my placenta was firmly imbedded to the wall of my uterus. As a result, I began haemorrhaging so the doctors said I needed to be taken to theatre immediately. Spencer was placed on Rob’s chest for skin-to-skin contact and I was promptly wheeled away for emergency surgery, without any opportunity to say goodbye.

Once in theatre, my epidural was topped up and the doctors quickly got to work removing my placenta and repairing my episiotomy. I was fading in and out during the procedure but I could hear the doctors working on me and talking in the background. I was told I’d lost approximately 3L of blood and developed iron-deficiency anaemia so I was given a blood transfusion and commenced IV antibiotics for 24 hours.

At 6:00pm, after spending a few hours in recovery, I was wheeled up to the postnatal ward where I was reunited with Spencer and Rob. I remained in hospital for two more days and given an IV iron infusion over the course of 8 hours before being discharged. Overall, I found my birth experience to be traumatic and for days afterwards I kept replaying the birth in my head. But I was also proud of what my body had endured, and its ability to recover.

What do you wish you knew before birth?

I wish I’d known that I wouldn’t care about modesty. I spent weeks looking for a long nightie to wear during labour so I could cover up. In the end, I was just bearing it all for the world to see and I really didn’t care who saw what. And yes, there was poop, vomit, blood and God knows what else. But it’s all a natural part of the process.

If you could, would you do anything differently?

While I had a traumatic birth experience, I wouldn’t change a thing. Sometimes you can prepare all you want but things may not work out the way you want them to.

What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?

My partner was wonderful at reminding me to relax my body and focus on my breathing during contractions. When it came time for pushing, my partners voice was the only thing keeping me grounded.

What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?

Every birth is different. No matter how much research you do or how many people you talk to about birth, nothing can fully prepare you.

My best piece of advice is: Go into the experience with an open mind and have realistic expectations. But also trust your gut and advocate for whatever is right for you and your baby.