When joey met bellamy
Joey, who is the beautiful mama behind Making Mama shares the birth of her first child, Bellamy.
She opens up about her struggle with anxiety throughout her pregnancy and how she decided to arm herself with knowledge, a hypnobirth course and affirmation cards which positively shifted her mindset for birth.
Joey went into labour at home, but didn’t realise she was for quite sometime. She ended up involuntary (fetal ejection reflex) pushing while they were in the car on the way to hospital. Luckily, they got there in time!
Joey tells her birth story in her own words…
I struggled a lot with anxiety through my pregnancy. I guess being pregnant, and living in Melbourne, away from family and separated by strict lockdown rules and the massive changes to my body really affected my mental health. I was also working all the way through my pregnancy as a physio in community and aged care and was very aware that I was working with such a vulnerable population.
So I decided I would arm myself with knowledge and that would be my strength. I started consuming alllll the positive birth stories there were and all the pregnancy and birth education that I could get my hands on. I also was seeing a counsellor throughout. Midway through my pregnancy, Tung and I did a Hypnobirthing Australia course which really solidified in my mind what incredible power we have, to be able to create and birth. I was also struck by how much this class changed my husband's frame of mind and how he now felt so empowered to be an active participant in the birth too, rather than just a helpless spectator. Inspired by the class, I wrote affirmations on cards and stuck them all over my home and these were the start of me really shifting my mindset for birth.
Physically, I was feeling great and loving being pregnant, and I ended up working all the way up until the day I went into labour.
At 38+6 (a Friday morning), I woke with mild, period like cramping at about 5am. I didn't think much of it and went back to sleep until I had to get up for work. As I started work, I was still getting very mild cramps (literally only like a period) so I didn't really think much of them until lunch time when I thought to myself "gosh I'm finally getting some Braxton Hicks, I better put my TENS machine on to try it out!" Being a physio, I had a TENS machine at the ready and popped it on, remembering that it's better to get it on EARLY and to try if you had any Braxton Hicks. At the end of the workday, I sent all my handovers for my staff (as I managed a team of 14 and had to handover the mentoring to a colleague) and finished the work day.
I remember my husband and I taking Soba our dog to the vet that evening to get his vaccinations and my dad calling, asking me how I was doing and confirming that he and mum would be driving to Melbourne that weekend to be ready for the baby in case borders closed between states again. I asked him to wait as I was feeling good and told him it might be another two - four weeks until baby came and I didn't want them here for that long with no baby haha! Little did I know. After the vet, we drove home and had dinner and the whole time my TENS machine was still on my back, buzzing away. The cramps were getting stronger and actually hadn't stopped all day but it never crossed my mind once that I was in labour, even at 10pmwhen I had to start stomping my feet and using 'horses breath' to ride the waves.
Tung asked me at around 10pm, "are you in labour?" and I remember replying "no, don't be silly, go to sleep". I actually did go to sleep (with the TENS machine still on) but Tung stayed up timing things on an app as I was apparently moaning through each surge! At around 1am I woke and turned to Tung who said "I think you're in labour, your surges are 3-5mins apart" to which I replied "No, not yet but maybe soon", still calm but in so much denial. I did though think that it was now a good time to hop in the shower and wash my hair so maybe part of me was going "you better get ready". Tung wanted to call the hospital, our doula and student midwife but I was insistentent that we should wait until 6am. It was around 2.30am that I said to him "yeah I think I'm in labour, but we should go back to sleep and get some rest because things will take a while".
I ended up leaning over an exercise ball, listening to hypnobirthing tracks and moaning/ mooing/ breathing through each surge. I also kept repeating one mantra; my baby and I are working together. I also managed to actually fall asleep between surges. It wasn't until 4am that I was starting to feel quite overwhelmed and I could feel myself lose control. It was at this point that Tung remembered the hospital bags weren't in the car yet! So while I was screaming at him to help me, he was running up and down the stairs of our three storey townhouse getting everything in the car!
It was now when Tung also called the midwives at the hospital and I knew they could tell I was losing/ lost control and I was so distressed and begging for an epidural. I overheard them telling Tung that he needed to get me to hospital ASAP and that he might need to pull over and call the ambulance if things were progressing too quickly. He also called our doula to let her know that we were heading to the hospital.
The walk from our room, down two flights of stairs to our car took us over 40 minutes as my surges were less than a minute apart and I was clinging onto Tung for dear life each time a surge came. At one point, Tung stopped and said "ARE YOU PUSHING?" and I said "I DON'T KNOW, AM I??". I was. That foetal ejection reflex was so strong!
The 20 minute drive to hospital was horrible, the only thing keeping me sane was Tung's voice, repeating affirmations to me and the thought of an epidural. All the way along, I was pushing.
We finally arrived in hospital and was met by the midwives and a wheelchair. I couldn't sit so I kneeled on it instead, asking the midwives if an anesthesiologist was ready with my epidural and I remember feeling furious at them when they said that they wanted to check me first (yes, still pushing haha). We got up to the room and they quickly checked me and (to my horror) told me no epidural, baby was ready. They did however offer me gas, and breathing it in helped me regulate my breath enough to calm down. At this point I remember asking for a warm compress to support my perineum as I pushed and was in the zone. I heard Tung's voice ask them gently not to coach me to push, and rather let me just follow my body and instincts (yay for a partner that was educated and an active participant in the birth)!
I then just followed my body. I pushed when I felt the need to and I rested in between. I had a beautiful sense of peace, knowing that I was going to meet my baby soon. I heard Tung's voice telling me I was doing well and asking the midwives to guide his hands so he could catch the baby as he came. It wasn't long until his head was born, body between worlds and I heard my child cry for the first time. I gave myself a rest and I heard the midwives ask me again to push as I needed to birth the rest of him! This was the only time I pushed without the urge to and after two more pushes, our baby was in his father's arms.
It took me a minute to realise what I'd done, I think I was in a bit of shock, and stayed on all fours on the bed until the midwives had assisted me to turn around and lie on my back and my husband passed our baby into my arms and I was awestruck and in love. I declined the syntocin injection afterwards and birthed my placenta physiologically 20 minutes later with my baby in my arms.
Bellamy Van Ngo, born on the 21st day of the 21st week of the 21st year of the 21st century (incidentally, 21 minutes after arriving to hospital).
Named Bellamy (French; gender neutral, meaning good and beautiful friend). With all the division going on in the world at the time, we wanted our child to be a friend, ally, kind and accepting to all people.
What do you wish you knew before birth?
That birth can be incredibly powerful and transformative.
If you could, would you do anything differently?
I wish I had waited for the urge to push again once Bellamy's head was born, rather pushing without the urge (as this is when I tore).
What did your partner do that really helped during labour/birth?
My husband was an incredible support person and we can really credit our Hypnobirthing class that we did for this. I really felt that he advocated for me and our baby, and he had so many techniques to help me, from massage, affirmations, hip squeezes etc, so he really was an active participant in our baby's birth, as opposed to feeling passive and helpless.
What advice/honest truth would give a mama-to-be about birth?
Invest in yourself. Invest in education for yourself and your support person. Knowledge is power. This is your body, your baby, your birth, so take charge.
Listen to all the stories about birth but protect your space and your mindset leading up to your birth.
You got this ❤
