Tani Holgate
Tell us a bit about yourself?
I’m Tani, a 27 year old current stay at home mum of Oscar, my 9 month old son! I’ve lived in Canberra for just over 2 years now and my partner Scott owns Acai Brothers in the Canberra Centre!
What were you doing before babies?
I am a registered nurse and worked in ICU and the operating theatre before taking maternity leave in January this year.
How did you come to be a mum?
My partner Scott and I knew when we met that we wanted to have kids. We had been together for around 4 years when we decided that it was the right time to start trying for a baby. We were super privileged to fall pregnant the first time that we tried.
My pregnancy was pretty smooth and then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 26weeks. This rocked me as I had no risk factors, but after lots of research and knowing a fair bit about diabetes from work, I managed it really well. I was lucky enough to keep my diabetes under control with diet. Some days the diet was hard (trying to eat low carb/sugar over Christmas is torture!) it actually meant that I was extremely healthy during the 3rd trimester and felt great!
I went into labour after a stretch and sweep at 40+4 weeks pregnant, I got to spend about 5 hours labouring at home before calling my midwife to check me. I was 6cm and needed to go to the hospital, peak hour traffic along the Tuggeranong parkway on a Friday afternoon wasn’t much fun! By the time I got to the hospital I was 10cm and ready to push, everything was going so fast and I jumped into the bath and sucked on the gas to help with pain. After pushing for around 2 hours, not much was happening so I got out of the bath to check what was going on. Somehow baby had turned posterior in the past few hours and was getting stuck and not moving down the birth canal any further. At this stage I was offered an epidural and after almost 4 hours of pushing, I finally got it and the relief was amazing! Unfortunately baby was really stuck heading towards the side of my pelvis and his head kept flexing backwards instead of forwards so we went off to theatres to attempt a vacuum delivery. While setting up in theatres, baby’s heart rate dropped dramatically and it became an emergency episiotomy and forceps delivery. In two pushes at 00.54am he was out, but unfortunately he didn’t breathe and needed to be resuscitated. After 8 long excruciating minutes, my baby boy Oscar finally let out a cry and all was right! They placed him on my chest and I burst into tears, the most incredible feeling after what felt like such a long day.
What has your feeding journey been like?
Feeding initially was great, we breastfed straight away and Oscar was doing great, putting on lots of weight! At around 10 weeks old, he went through a period of breast refusal and even refused the bottle as well. We saw doctors and nurses and everyone said it was a phase that would pass. We spent weeks pushing through screaming every time we tried to feed and mentally I was struggling. The urge to feed your baby is so strong and it’s heartbreaking when it’s not working. At my wits end, I saw a lactation consultant and she noticed that he had a really restrictive posterior tongue tie! After having that revised at 4 months old, our feeding improved immensely. We now mix feed with formula and breastmilk. Oscar was also diagnosed as cows milk/soy protein intolerant so we are dairy and soy free. Starting solids has been fun and messy!
What has sleep been like in your house?
Sleep started out as normal newborn sleep, waking regularly day and night for feeds. By the time he was 4 months old, he was still waking hourly overnight to feed and wouldn’t sleep for longer than 30mins in the day time. I almost went crazy trying to figure out how to get him to sleep for longer. Sleep deprivation is so hard as it just compounds every night. After having his tongue tie identified, we realised he was needing to feed regularly overnight as he wasn’t getting enough during each feed. Once having the TT fixed his sleep improved. Now at 8 months his sleep is so much better, lockdown actually helped in that we could focus on routine each day and now he has set naps and bedtime and usually only one wake overnight!
The hardest bits…
So far the hardest bit has been the relentlessness of the sleep deprivation. It effects your whole mood and ability to be resilient. It’s amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you!
The mental load as a mother is so exhausting as well. I spent so much time worrying about how to get him to sleep and feed better that I kept thinking I was doing something wrong. I spent a lot of those first 4 months so stressed and I wish I had just relaxed a bit more.
Lockdown has also been really hard. All of our family live on the south coast and with my partner being a small business owner and needing to work long hours, it has been tough for us to not have the support that we wanted.
The best bits…
The best bits would be without a doubt seeing my little man thrive despite the challenges. His smile lights up my heart and no matter how hard the day is, or how difficult he’s being - one smile and all the hardships melt away.
It’s also the most incredible thing to see your own features and your partners features in his face. It’s such a symbol of your love to have created a child.
How do you make time for you?
Time for yourself as a mum is a difficult thing to achieve, and sometimes when you get that time you spend it just thinking about your baby anyway! I try to stay active and go for walks most days and also do home workouts. I find when I exercise, I feel so much better so it’s a form of self care for me.
What’s next for you and your family?
What’s next for us is just taking each day as it comes. Having Oscar hasn’t been easy but we are so excited about the thought of giving him siblings and expanding our family (maybe not right now but soon!).
A piece of advice for our readers?
It’s so much easier said than done, but if I could go back to the first 4 months and tell myself that I should stop focusing on what everyone else is doing or what my baby should be doing and just focus on enjoying it rather than worrying about everything. It’s so hard as a first time mum to “follow your intuition” as you feel like you don’t have it yet, but comparison is a theft of joy! Just focus on yourself and everything will be okay.