Laura

Tell us a bit about yourself?

Hi fellow Cbrmamas, I’m Laura. I always fear these icebreaker questions in workplace and social situations *insert heart pounding* but here goes. I’m a first time mum to 9 month old, Luella. I’ve always lived here on Ngunnawal/Ngambri country [always was, always will be] and like many Canberrans, I work for the Government. I’m also a photographer (though it took a long time feel confident enough to call myself that - thanks, imposter syndrome), serial op-shopper, flower lover, professional at finding four leaf clovers, and I am *mostly* introverted - a former INFJ and now INFP according to the last time I did Myers Briggs haha. 

What were you doing before babies/children?

Work wise, I joined the APS when I was a wee 17 year old lass and working in HR was basically my identity in early adulthood. For the last 7~ years I’ve been working for an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander focussed organisation. I discovered photography (with my husband) in my twenties and we’ve had a photography side-gig together for the last 7ish years, photographing mostly families, weddings, and lifestyle, with a sprinkle of interiors and architecture. Before having a baby, I op-shopped A LOT, for collecting purposes and as a re-seller (shameless plug because my hobby page is turning into baby and toddler thrift finds - @homejames.vintage on Insta). My husband and I travelled a bit, ate out lots, slept in lots, watched The Office lots, and we endlessly obsessed over our “fur child” (a staffy-cross rescue) before committing to starting a family. I have a portrait of my dog tattooed on me but these days I struggle to connect with my dog like I did before. Wow, talk about a tangent. 

How did you come to be a mum?

As a 19 year old, I wanted to have kids in my early twenties and wanted twins (ha! so naive). I was married sort of young (is 24 young?) and in my mind, we’d wait a year or so before trying for a baby. I battled some serious personal and mental health struggles for quite a while and a year turned to more than five years before I truly felt like I had the headspace to be a parent. In 2021 we decided it was time to start a family and it took about 5-6 months to conceive so we were pretty fortunate in that regard. In April last year, we had our perfect little girl, Luella. I had a mostly positive pregnancy (the “worst” of it was having gestational diabetes which I was able to manage with the right foods and exercise), and I had a wonderful birth, which I’m so grateful for. I really love being Luella’s mum!

What has your feeding journey been like?

TLDR: great then horrible then good. I love breastfeeding but it took (literal) blood, sweat and tears to maintain exclusive breastfeeding - we’re still going strong. 

Before birth, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and I also knew that it didn’t always come easy to some mums and to some babies. For the first couple of months after birth whilst my supply was driven predominantly by hormones, feeding was great and pretty “easy” and enjoyable. Around two months, I realised some of the things that were happening weren’t “normal” (super short feeds, clicking noises, spilling out the corner of baby’s mouth, not as strong weight gains as before, tongue not extending very far, some nipple pain). I did some reading and suspected a tongue tie, which was soon confirmed by a wonderful IBCLC, and it wasn’t until a month or so later that we were able to get it seen to at the Mother Hub in Queanbeyan (an amazing place for breastfeeding help). In that time before the tongue and lip tie procedure, Luella really struggled to feed efficiently and as a result, my supply dipped, and as a result, I started pumping to top her up, and as a result, she developed a bottle preference, and as a result, she soon developed a breast aversion where she would cry when I got her into a breastfeeding position and wouldn’t breastfeed unless asleep, and as a result, I had to (chose to) pump full-time and bottle feed EBM.  It was super stressful and the worst month until I came across Rowena Bennett’s book on feeding aversions. I read it in one night and implemented the principles the next day. It took half a day for Luella to willingly come back to the breast on her own and a week or two for her to breast feed efficiently again (also learning how her new tongue worked). Once I let go of how much and how often I thought she should breastfeed and didn’t pressure her to breastfeed, and instead trusted that she knew how much she needed, it’s been great again (minus the fact she is the most distracted feeder ever, which is annoying). This has turned into a long answer so I’ll just finish and say, I personally love breastfeeding and the benefits, and I appreciate (admire!) all mum’s and parents for their feeding goals and decisions, no matter their methods. And if breastfeeding is important to you, there are lots of support groups and forums online and the Australian Breastfeeding Feeding helpline is an amazing, free resource for counselling and 24/7 support. 

What has sleep been like in your house?

Luella isn’t a “good” sleeper; she has “slept through” a handful of times, and since the 4 month regression, her longest stretches of overnight sleep are now usually about 2.5 hours before waking to feed/be re-settled. Sometimes the stretches are longer. Sometimes shorter, if she is teething or unwell. Her cot is in our room and we regularly bedshare to all get the most sleep, albeit broken. We both get back to sleep fairly easily (thank goodness). I have accepted that for now, she needs comfort and help to fall and stay asleep, and that she will sleep better and through the night, when she is ready to. 

The hardest bits…

When the self-doubt/worries/anxiety/mom-guilt/intrusive thoughts/sensory overload/childhood trauma/mental load overwhelm/nervous system dysregulation /perfectionism/resentment/loneliness sneaks in. Basically my own issues and things to work on. Gulp. 

The best bits…

The little, everyday moments of connection. Making Luella laugh and smile with silly faces and voices and dance moves; seeing her light up when her dad or I walk back into a room; watching her learn and develop into her own quirky, funny, loud!, clever self. 

She has always loved peek-a-boo and just this week she has started actually hiding and showing her face to play - it’s been so funny and sweet to watch things click in her mind. 

How do you make time for yourself?

I could probably be better at prioritising my own needs and asking for help. My husband often makes sure I have some baby-free time first thing in the mornings if he is home (sometimes just 5 minutes helps), and maybe once a month or so, some girlfriends and I have been getting out for a baby-free dinner to re-fill our figurative cups and literal cocktail glasses. I have a Sydney trip planned with a friend a few days before Luella’s first birthday and as much as I’ll be anxious to be away from her overnight, I’m counting down the days to a weekend of regular pre-baby activities - no pram or highchair in tow!

What’s next for you and your family?

Fortunately, I still have a while of maternity leave left so for the most of this year, I’ll be embracing SAHM life. We moved into our “forever home” a few months back and there are some little projects we’d like to do. There are no siblings for Luella on the horizon though that may change in a few years. We’re looking forward to continuing photographing families and to stepping back from weddings to ensure we have as much family time on weekends as we’d like. 

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Everything will be okay. You’re going to be a good mum. Get that dryer. You probably won’t need a double pram, after all. Read “The Discontented Little Baby Book” *before* baby comes. Learn (and do) proper pelvic floor exercises. Take a breastfeeding class/see an IBCLC, before birth. Don’t decide to go home from hospital at 9pm - just go home in the morning. No one is judging you.