Sara O’connor

Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Sara and I am a young mum, soon to be wife, daughter, sister, friend and teacher living in Queanbeyan. My childhood consisted of living abroad in different countries (Japan, England & Ireland) but at 17 we returned home to Aus and have stayed put ever since. I met my partner Jesse while living in the middle of nowhere with my grandparents to do Year 12 and we have been together since. 

What were you doing before babies/children? 

After a brief stint studying Psychology at uni I made the switch to Primary Teaching which is now my job and a passion of mine. I always knew deep down that I wanted to be a teacher, but I also have a passion for writing and my mum (also a primary teacher) always encouraged me to pursue that rather than teaching but ultimately my heart took over and a teacher is what I became and as hard as it is, I genuinely love it!

How did you come to be a mum?

I always knew I wanted to be a mum. It was never a question I needed to ask myself. I fell pregnant with our beautiful girl unexpectedly at 22. Whilst it was a shock, it was always part of the plan… it just happened earlier than we planned. The minute I found out my instincts took over and I just knew in my gut that I was meant for this and that she was meant for me, for us, now.

I believe in the age old cliché that everything happens for a reason, and to me, those two little lines were a good enough reason. Being only 22, it was a bit to process. I was only halfway through my teaching degree, still living at home, and Jesse was living in Wagga so we were doing the long-distance thing. Logistically we had to get our s**t together pretty quickly but we managed! He made the move to Canberra, we stayed with my parents until after Tilly was born when we bought our house.  

What has your feeding journey been like?

Like many first time mums (and being only 23 when she was born) I was a sucker for the instagram facade. I thought that birth, feeding & motherhood was going to come so naturally to me and we would be wrapped up in our love bubble, taking gorgeous pics and loving every moment. Let’s just say it didn’t take long for reality to kick in and for me to realise that whilst I was capable and some elements did come naturally, I do not in fact look glamorous with my engorged, achey t**s out in the middle of a shopping centre while my baby screams for food, nor is birth as it appears in the movies. And to really top things off, motherhood is in fact no walk in the park. It’s raw, it’s real and more times than not it’s ugly, especially in those first few months.

I felt pressure - internal and societal to breastfeed. Before even leaving the hospital (after a few days post C-Section) the advice and mixed messages I had received from midwives and well-meaning friends and family was enough to send you mental. One of the first things I learned about being a Mum was that EVERYONE has an opinion and no matter what, you are never going to please everyone. Something you do will always be “wrong” in someone’s eyes. But the only eyes that matter are those of your baby and yours. For me breastfeeding was hard. It didn’t come naturally, to me or my daughter. We had to work at it. The latch, the timing, the positions. It all took work and if I’m honest during the first few weeks I didn’t enjoy it. I came into it thinking it was going to be magical and enlightening. I set myself up for disappointment, unknowingly. We went to mixed feeding when Tilly was about 3 weeks old and you can bet I felt like a failure. But before long I realised that she was settled, so felt less like an inflated, cranky dairy cow and we all settled into life with a little more ease. I still continued to feed, until she weaned herself at about 10 months. Once the pressure to be the Insta-worthy breastfeeding guru left my mind, feeding became instinctive and dare I say it, enjoyable. I cried when I realised she was weaning because of the guilt I carried in the early days whilst resenting the time spent learning to feed.

I know now that if I am lucky enough to have another baby, I can feed and even if it takes time, it’s worth it in the end. But I also know that whether breast-fed or formula fed, babies will be okay. And in those first few weeks sanity is really the only goal. 

What has sleep been like in your house?

Ahhh sleep. The one thing everyone takes for granted before they become a parent. We had that moment when Tilly was only 4 weeks old when she slept through the night for the first time. So naturally we did the cocky thing and shared the cute snap to Insta only to realise that she was in fact just lulling us into a false sense of security.

When the 4 month sleep regression hit we felt like such idiots for bragging about our 6 hours of straight sleep because at that point we would have been stoked with 3 hours… Sleep is something that comes and goes and when you’re in the stages of no sleep, surviving on very little, it seems like the hardest job in the world. Then, without warning, all of a sudden your sleep comes back - slowly - and you get longer, more frequent stretches and you feel more human again. Then your child gets sick or has a nightmare and those nights hit hard again. But you realise that sleep, whilst important, isn’t the be all and end all.

As babies get older you find yourself going with the flow. Some weeks sleep will be a regular thing and others you’ll need 6 coffees to tackle the washing. However, as with everything in parenthood you work with what you can and you give it your best shot. The rest falls into place. All kids will sleep eventually and so too will their mums (as most of the time the dads sleep through it all ). But the nights can be long, a quality Netflix series, the occasional glass of wine and friends to vent to are key to surviving the zombie no sleep phase! 

The hardest bits…

Some days the trenches can be deep! The days can feel lonely and never-ending and you can feel like you have morphed into someone who doesn't even resemble you anymore.... and its HARD! But there is light at the end of the tunnel. In my experience the hardest part wasn't feeding, sleeping or crying. Yes they presented some challenges that took us some time to overcome, but for me it was re-discovering myself that was the hardest part. I embraced being a mum and did all the things that mums are supposed to do (oh soooooooo many things!) but I lost the me I was before I was a mum and I struggled with that.

Being a 'young mum' comes with a lot of other sacrifices and challenges to face along the way. All of my friends were still childless and I grew slightly jealous that they could just decide to go out for a coffee and be there in 5 minutes..... then as Til grew older I was jealous that they could sit and enjoy their coffee - HOT without having to chase a little person around 427 times. I allowed myself to get so caught up in the ideal of motherhood that I let myself go in every sense. So I would argue that the hardest part of motherhood is the expectation. I placed far too much expectation on myself.

I read a post one day. Written by my fabulous friend and insta mum guru herself @littlejemmings, that motherhood is all consuming and then it’s lonely and that hit home for me. It's hard but it's fast. My little baby is already her own little fiercely independent person and before I know it she will be me; a sister, a friend, a partner, a mum. So whilst there are going to be many hard bits as we fumble our way through this gig, none of it compares to the realisation that this magical period in time will be over. So I have tried to prioritise myself, because one day I'll have me back to myself when my kids are grown up, but the main priority is to savour the moments, the memories & magic that is being a mum. 

The best bits…

Every. damn. thing. The good, the bad, the ugly! None of it exists without the other, I honestly think there is no 'best bit' to being a mum. The fact that you created a tiny version of yourself and your partner that loves you unconditionally and you get to learn from and create memories with... there isn't much not to love about that in my books. Even though some days are hard - there is good in every day spent with your child/ren and that in itself is magical.

How do you make time for yourself?

I'm still learning how to do this! Finally, I have started to really realise that filling my own cup isn't selfish - it's necessary. I am a better partner and mother when I have had time to pour focus, energy and time into me. Last year I focused on losing weight and getting back to me, this year my focus will be on maintaining my health - mind, body and spirit. Taking time to read actual books, breathe, enjoy the sunlight, move my body, nourish my body and spend time with the people that fill my cup. 

What’s next for you and your family?

We are getting married next year so will be spending lots of time getting prepared for all of that excitement. I will be starting full-time teaching (have only been part-time since Tilly) so that is a new exciting challenge, plus we are trying to soak in all the joy that comes from parenthood and prioritise moments and memories for 2023 and beyond. 

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Avoid the pressure from social media that being a mum has to look a certain way. Or that to be a “good mum” you have to give every part of yourself to your child every minute of the day. You don’t need all the fancy clothes, all the activities, all the snacks in every colour of the rainbow, you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect mum or have the perfect child. You are perfect for your baby and the sooner you realise that, the better you will feel and the easier it will all come.