Hayley Sefo

Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Hayley, first and foremost I am a Christian, I am a wife and a mum to two small amazing humans and a small business owner, I run a portrait photography business in Canberra which I have been doing for the last almost 8 years. I am an extrovert who delights in the simple things but I also dislike sitting around doing nothing and I always have to be going somewhere and keeping myself occupied, my family is everything to me, so I love being with them. 

What were you doing before babies/children? 

Before I had my babies, All my focus went into my business and my marriage, I am someone who always has to keep going so my business has always done that for me, I love meeting new people and I love what I do and my business was my first baby before I became a mum. 

How did you come to be a mum? 

Becoming a mum is something I (like many women) have always wanted. My husband and I got married in 2019 and made a decision to wait two years before starting to try for a family, but then after a year of marriage we decided that we would start to try for our first. We were blessed to fall pregnant with our daughter two months after we began trying. When she was 10 months old I fell pregnant with our son who is now almost 6 months old. 

What has your feeding journey been like? 

Ahh, my feeding journey has been beautiful, difficult and everything in between. My aunty who is amazing and was a lactation support helped so much with our initial feeds and anytime I needed her help or to ask questions she was always there to help us, which is definitely why I was able to feed my daughter for so long. At first with my daughter we had quite a good start to our feeding, some nights and moments were hard when it came to latching and I must admit id just cry with her while I struggled to get her on, but my husband was amazing and so patient and used to sit with us and help me latch her properly, he paid so much attention to those little moments and I believe his support helped so much in our feeding journey. At 10 weeks we found she had a tongue tie which we got cut (this made a huge difference and we were able to go on feeding until she was just shy of 18 months). I had to wean her slowly whilst i was pregnant as I was so exhausted and feeding became really painful and there was barely any milk there for her, I felt so guilty as I loved those moments with her, but ultimately I had to make that decision and we stopped feeding 2 weeks before she was 18 months and when i was 7 months pregnant. My feeding journey with my son so far has been overall good, he has a slight tie too, but we are doing osteo and focusing on getting our latch right before making the decision to get his tie cut. He feeds a lot (cue the need for feeding every 2 hours) but I am loving that I am blessed to be able to nourish both of my babies and I don't take that lightly at all. 

What has sleep been like in your house? 

Sleep, what's that? HA, all jokes aside, it has been the toughest part of parenting for me(us). From the early days with my daughter she would sleep on us all the time, the best and most beautiful moments, but so exhausting as we were unable to get proper sleep in bed as we always alternated with her sleeping on our chest, she hated the bassinet, like many babies do I am sure, so when she was around 5 months I started to safely co sleep with her, as she was waking hourly (sometimes even 45 minutes) and I was a walking zombie. Co sleeping helped so much, but once i got pregnant and started to get bigger and feeding her to sleep became harder, we decided to implement a good routine with my husband doing bedtimes, we began this around 14 months, with consistency she stopped needing to co sleep and be fed to sleep and gets cuddled and rocked to sleep every night, still... :) Some nights she sleeps 13 hours, others she barely sleeps or wakes multiple times, my husband has been a Godsend with night wakes for my daughter while I focus on resting and feeding my son who is nearly 6 months and so far his sleeping has been great, we’ve had a bit of up and down since he turned 4 months but are finally finding a groove to it. If you have a tough sleeper in those early days, know for a large part that it will get better, you're doing an amazing job, lack of sleep can be so hard for all involved, but you've got this. 

The hardest bits… 

Sleep challenges as mentioned above, and also the adjustment of having two babies under two. The hardest part for me has been trying to split my time and attention between both babies without the guilt, but hey, I don't think that mum guilt is going anywhere. I do my best everyday and I am finally finding a balance, I take each moment as it comes because I know that it's short lived and will get easier. Also the toddler tantrums are HARD!!! learning to regulate my emotions to help them learn how to regulate, it's been a journey and I am sure anyone reading this with a toddler can totally relate, especially those doing the whole gentle parenting approach! I think the hardest thing has also been that becoming a mum was a lot more lonely than I imagined it being, I feel like you become so busy and your focus changes and friendships change, I wish I could go back and change how I distance myself from friends after I had my first but I am learning and I am trying to focus on friendships more this time around as I know how important it is to have other mums to lean on and chat to and spend time with / have play dates with. 

The best bits…

Honestly, the best bits are just them, watching them grow, their personalities come out and all the cuddles, watching and experiencing the milestones. My daughter has the best personality, that girl will go far, she's so determined and fierce and fun with the best heart. My little guy's personality is really starting to shine and he's so smiley and peaceful. I just feel so blessed to be their mum. 

How do you make time for yourself?

I have started to take snippets of time to myself wherever I can, honestly even if it’s just making my coffee in the morning and putting my son on his mat for tummy time and rolling practice and letting my daughter have some tv time, I will sit and just enjoy my coffee, hot showers (my absolute favourite thing to relax me) and I am starting to slowly exercise where I can too. I’m back working now so just finding that adjustment of mum, wife, business and admin etc etc.

What’s next for you and your family?

We’ve just moved into a new bigger rental, I’m back working and we are just enjoying eachother right now between all the things going on. Planning to save and go on a holiday, enjoy Christmas and I am excited to continue to build my brand and find the best balance between life and work. We’d love more kids but definitely going to wait a little longer before we go again and just enjoy our family of 4 for now. 

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Just relax, enjoy life, it will all be okay.