Natasha Whelan
Tell us a bit about yourself?
Im Natasha, a public servant and now the favourite child as I produced the first grandchild/ nephew who is the star of the family. I became a first-time mum at 36yrs old to a son named Ryder through donor conception.
What were you doing before babies?
Before having babies, I had just returned from a few years abroad for work and was settling back into Aussie life. I also enjoyed dinners with the gals, massages, and getting down to Melbourne to see my sisters.
How did you come to be a mum?
At 32yrs old I was sent overseas for work and had said to myself that if I didn't meet someone when I was over there, I would look into going down the donor path as I would be 35yrs old when I returned and didn't want to miss out on becoming a parent.
I came back single, so a few months later I went and got my AMH tested and it came back saying I had a low count for my age. Of course, hearing this I freaked out a little and felt like it all had to happen tomorrow otherwise my chance was gone. Still in panic mode I reached out to a few of my single male friends to see if they would be interested in co-parenting as well as started to look into all the different donor processes out there.
I took a break from baby planning as a friend and I decided to date, though after 6 months we decided to call it a day as we were just in different places. I then decided that I just had to go it alone, so I contacted the clinic and got onto choosing a donor.
I looked into known donors though they only seemed available via internet groups and all the unknowns with that process didn't sit right with me. I chose to use a bank and went with an American donor as the wait times and choice for an Australian donor were long and minimal. In retrospect I would now have looked further into the known donor process and waited for an Australian donor as our laws are tighter on family composition but I was very blind to how the information I was provided would work out down the track.
So, after a lot of $$ and one IVF cycle later, I was pregnant. My pregnancy wasn't great, I had multiple failed Harmoney tests and was told my child was in the high category for down syndrome and was referred to the FMU. Lucky I was, as they realised my data was incorrectly processed and my child actually had very minimal risk after all. I also had GD and towards the end ended up on insulin. I must admit, I didn't enjoy pregnancy as much as I thought I would, maybe because of all the medical appointments that just didn't seem to end after going through IVF or maybe because of the donor process and feeling disconnected as I was doing it alone and didn't have the partner to be excited with.
I was lucky that delivery went as well as could be expected, other than sciatica leg pains joining in with contractions to really amp up the pain levels! But after all the drama, he arrived safe and sound and healthy so it was all worth it.
What has your feeding journey been like?
Feeding for me was another drama as my milk never came in properly, I was only able to produce 30-90mils per 30min pump and that was after eating double strength lactation cookies, acupuncture, 6 Motilium tablets a day, Fenugreek tablets and having to consistently pump on a 3hr schedule day and night.
I was referred to a Lactation consultant early on who was amazing and gave me so many tips though after 5 weeks of having to offer breast, top up with formula, and then pump for 30mins each feed I was advised that my milk won't come in enough to feed my baby. It was hard to think of stopping as you always have the 'breast is best' in the back of your mind but I did know that the schedule was unsustainable, especially as a single mum. Due to the guilts I pumped enough 40mil bags to give him a little each day until he was 12 months old, then I slowly loosened the 3hr schedule, pumping when I could until it ran its course. The funny part is my son was a crappy drinker and even on formula he only drunk about 80mils so I probably could have fed.
What has sleep been like in your house?
Sleep has been ok. As I don't have a partner to tag team with, I just naturally fell into the co-sleeping cycle for survival. His sleep patterns seem to be average for his age with around 2 wake ups at the moment though pretty easy to settle back down unless he has an eczema flare up.
The hardest bits…
The broken sleep and never feeling fully rested.
The best bits....
The cuddles as he falls to sleep to Blinky Bill, waking up to his smiley face and watching him get smarter every day.
How do you make time for yourself?
As I work full time, I don't crave for time alone though when I do, I am lucky to have an amazing mum and supportive family who are happy to babysit if I need a massage or pedi or a dinner with the girls.
What’s next for you and your family?
We are about to move into Nanny and Pop's house so we can undertake some renovations and at the same time I am trying for a second baby to give Ryder a sibling. I have had two failed FET in the past few months so crossing everything for the last transfer later this month.
If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?
Do it now, as life does go on after kids.
Recommended resource from Natasha
"good websites to have a read of for people considering going down the donor path are www.donorconceptionandbeyond.com.au for a recipient parents view on the process, I found a lot of her articles very relevant to me and Donor Conceived Australia is a good resource started by DCP."