Maddison Gately

Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Maddison, I’m a 26 year old mama to our beautiful darling Phoenix & wifey to my incredible husband, Kyle.

We love nature, the ocean in particular and just getting amongst it when ever we can, it has always given us a sense of clarity. Kyle and I have been together for nearly 11 years now and since having our babe we have just fallen in love all over again. It’s brought us so much closer - which, after a decade - I didn’t think was possible.

What were you doing before babies/children?

Before Phoenix came along, I was working in the disability sector. It’s always been a passion of mine. The community within it has taught me so much about this world and myself.

Prior to that I was working in early childhood, with preschool age 1 on 1 support with special needs which I also adored.

How did you come to be a mum?

Being a mama is something I had always dreamt of since I was a little lass.

On the first page of my preschool dairy it had a “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I drew a little stick figure Maddi with a BIG pregnant belly. “A mummy”.

In December of 2020 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. I was told that the damage the lesions left on my reproductive organs were severe and that my chances of falling pregnant naturally were slim, that we were to “try” for 6 months and if no luck, we would begin an IVF journey. We were extremely lucky. We fell pregnant with Phoenix in the following April, we couldn’t believe it. He is our little miracle.

What has your feeding journey been like?

My feeding journey has been a bit of a roller coaster. A ride I struggle to talk about. I loved breastfeeding. I also struggled with breastfeeding. I loved feeding my son from my body, I loved feeling his skin on mine, I loved that I was the only one who could single handedly, provide him with everything he needed, I loved it. But it was also one of the hardest parts of those first few trying months. The sleep deprivation, oh how it crushed me. I pumped and fed, fed and pumped but sadly my supply was just low. I never was able to “build a stash”,

I only ever had 1 feed max in the fridge…. I was just so drained, literally.

So at 4 months I made the extremely difficult decision to stop. Definitely one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. Many, MANY tears were shed, by me. My son however, didn’t mind a bit and adjusted to formula with ease. He is 7 months old now and I still grieve breastfeeding. However, I am extremely proud I made that decision to stop, for myself because sometimes - the mum is important too.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Sleep? What’s sleep? HA! No but seriously, the topic of “sleep” for me is extremely touchy. Here we are, 7 months in and still absolutely struggling. We have tried ALL that we are comfortable with. We have even reached out for in home support, in which I was told I was doing everything “perfectly”. Nice to hear, but in reality I so wanted the support to come in and just tell me there was so much I could change, try & adjust. But unfortunately, no. Our little bundle of joy just does not dig sleep….YET!

I would like to say, the “is he a good baby? Does he sleep through the night?” Questions have got to stop! YES to answer your question, my son IS a “good” baby. SLEEP DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR BABES WORTH!...but it would be pretty sweet if you could start sleeping through sometimes little bug, mum and dad are shells of humans haha!

The hardest bits…

Definitely being a parent with a chronic illness. Unfortunately my endometriosis symptoms are quite severe. They impact me daily, but especially when I menstruate. Some days I am unable to walk, my husband needs to shower me, I need to use aids to get around. In my case it’s extremely debilitating. My whole pregnancy I feared for when my severe symptoms related to my period would return. I dreaded it every single day. Now, it’s here and it’s much worse than pre pregnancy. The guilt I carry from this is extremely painful. It makes me feel as though I am less, less of a mother, less of wife, less of a person.

I wish there was a cure for this terrible illness, but more then that, I wish for there to be more understanding around endometriosis and how it can deeply affect the quality of life for those who it claims.

The best bits…

Can I say everything ?

Everything is the best! The little things…like seeing him smile, the dimples in his knuckles, the way his face lights up when he looks at me or his daddy and the way he gazes at his little hands.

To the big things, like all his firsts, that he has absolutely changed every crevice of our lives, all the things we can look forward to, Christmas being exciting again. It’s just a whole new world of magic.

How do you make time for yourself?

Short one, I don’t really.

Although my husband pushes and pushes for it, I really struggle to do things for me. Even when I’m left alone when the boys head out, I just clean the house or research things for Nix. I am currently seeking some help mentally to provide me with some tools on how I can just switch off and relax. Enjoy some me time.

What’s next for you and your family?

Just taking each day as it comes, with gratitude. Trying to be present, in the moment and enjoy the now. It’s hard to switch off the temptation to look forward and think “when…?” We are just content. We are loving our time as a family of 3 and what will be, will be.

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

Don’t believe you are what they told you you were. You are more. You will break these generational patterns. You will create a life for yourself that you love. You will not be defined by your past. You will be the role model for your son that you needed while you were young. You will do it and you will thrive.