Emilyrose Fitzpatrick

Tell us a bit about yourself?

I am almost 35, married to my very loud Northern Irish husband Rory, who emigrated to Australia in 2017, living in Garran with out 12 year old cocker spaniel Chester who we took over care of from my parents who live down the road. We moved to Canberra in August last year after finally buying our first property after years of saving. I got offered a job as Operations Manager for a local property styling company. In Sydney I was working as an interior stylist and we decided to make the move to Canberra when I got offered the job as Sydney had just got too unaffordable especially as we were wanting to buy our own home and be closer to family for when we finally were able to have a baby.

What were you doing before babies/children?

Wanting a baby so bad! We started trying right at the beginning of the whole covid debacle in 2020 (we were living in Sydney so it was around March) So the longing for a baby has been going on since then.. before that my husband and I loved a night out, days at the beach, staying up all night together drinking and dancing… travelling and working!! We have always been hard workers trying to earn that coin!

How did you come to be a mum?

We decided to start trying for a baby during the Covid 19 lockdown in Sydney when we started spending all our time just the 2 of us at home and realised there was something missing! We had both been stood down from our jobs and I got a temporary position at the Commonwealth Bank and was working from home, so we thought it was a great time to get pregnant! (my actual job as an Interior stylist was very physical and I couldn't imagine doing it while pregnant). After about 6 months of trying and nothing happening we went to see a GP who referred us to a bulk bill fertility clinic called Adora Fertility. Even though it was subsidised, we still had quite a lot of out-of-pocket expenses, so I can’t imagine how we would have been able to afford a private fertility clinic!

We had loads of invasive tests and no-one really knew what was the cause of my infertility. We did a year of ovulation tracking where you are put on medication and monitored through blood tests and internal ultrasounds a few times a week, then a text message to tell you when to have sex - so romantic! This was do able while I was working from home for the bank but it did require a lot of effort… for example, getting up early before work and going in to the clinic several times a week for tests and monitoring. After a year of that not working (each round cost about $200 plus all the drugs… we decided to move on to IVF at the same time we had just moved states to Canberra and in the ACT there was no bulk bill IVF clinic and we couldn't afford any of the private ones some were up to $12000 a round of IVF. So I did the treatment remotely, getting all my scripts sent to the local chemist and when I had my blood tests they would have to send results to Sydney and I would have to wait for the clinic in Sydney to get back to me usually was the next day.. and with IVF timing is everything. I also had to travel up to Sydney for the egg collection and transfer which meant taking time off work and I had just started a new job. I only found out about that the day before, so had to drop everything and take the day off work for it. Stressful! Thank Goodness my bosses were so understanding and knew our desperation to start a family. You never think the way you will fall pregnant is getting a ‘Murray’s' bus on your own from Canberra to Sydney. Going to a clinic, sitting in a waiting room where you feel like cattle herded in to get your embryo put inside, they would call a new patient in every 15 minutes. Partners couldn't come in with you because of covid (I was told off for not having a full bladder and felt like a kid getting in trouble at school…it was over in a few minutes and I was left lying on the table legs in stirrups “can I put my undies on now??” “yes, good luck” said the gyno.. and then I walked down the street back to get the bus home praying to God that embryo would stick!!

The mental toll that fertility treatment took on me was insane and our marriage was also was very rocky through it all. I felt so ashamed of myself, ‘why didn’t my body work?’ With the constant disappointment each month is full on grief that you don't know how to deal with and on top of that its all very secretive. Thankfully for me, my bosses here in Canberra were so understanding and let me have time off, if I needed.

Finally, we had good news when the embryo we transferred on Feb 14th (Valentines day!) worked and I fell pregnant with our beautiful daughter Ferne! We were so lucky to get on the Continuity Program at the Canberra Hospital where I had an amazing midwife and student midwife. We also did the transform parenting course with Tracey Anderson which equipped my partner and myself with such good techniques to remain calm during the labour.

I went into labour at 39 weeks 3 days and laboured with nothing but a tens machine from midnight to around 4:30pm. When I couldn’t hack the pain anymore at only 4cm with my waters still unbroken I opted for an epidural. Finally, when they broke my waters there was thick meconium and Ferne’s heart rate was rising which lead to an emergency C. I have no regrets though, the staff were all amazing and Ferne came out a healthy 4.2kg so there was no way I was gonna be able to push her out of my tiny frame!!!

What has your feeding journey been like?

I was so so lucky, (at last my body did something right!) my midwife encouraged me to harvest colostrum from about 37 weeks which got me really confident with expressing out of my breasts and get to know the best hold or position of the big gals to get the most colostrum/milk out. I had a huge stash of colostrum by the time I gave birth with about 100mls! I was so relieved I had this as I ended up having to have an Emergency C, so the first few days in hospital were great having the colostrum on hand. Ferne latched pretty much straight away and my milk came in around day 4 and she’s been a great little feeder. The only issue i’ve had pop up so far (and its still such early days) is she will fall asleep after a few glugs so i’ll need to drain my boob into a bottle and feed her that sometimes.

What has sleep been like in your house?

We were so fortunate to buy a second hand Snoo off Facebook Marketplace so don’t know any different at the moment. She sleeps in the night about every 2.5hours and then wakes for a feed and back down in about 45 mins. The postpartum night sweats have got me good though, so I have to rotate the duvet, pillows and towel. I’m sleeping on so my husband sleeps in the nursery and I buzz his mobile and he comes in for nappy changes!

The hardest bits…

I was not expecting to be recovering from a C-section so that has been rough, I am a really mobile independent person so found the first few weeks shocking not being able to move around. The surgery also moved around my endometriosis which I have all over my bowels so I am back in for ultrasounds and appointments, at 2 weeks postpartum as I am still having some acute pain when I go to the toilet. Also, I am such a routine person so it’s been so hard to get my head around the fact that my newborn doesn’t follow a routine and just to ride with it… the control freak in me has to let goooo!

The best bits…

Finally getting my little baby, her big blue eyes locking in at mine. I used to spend weekends watching “how to get pregnant fast” vlogs etc haha and completely isolated myself when I was going through IVF as I was so depressed and obsessed about falling pregnant. Its amazing to finally be happy and content and not longing for something I don’t have. Rainy weekends doing nothing on the sofa are so special now rather than just feeling like i’m constantly in a waiting room.

How do you make time for yourself?

My husband has just gone back to work this week, he is a sales rep, so he works from home and goes out for appointments. I try to get a quick shower and some breakfast down me while he is here in the mornings on his laptop. So the shower is my time to myself at the moment...

What’s next for you and your family?

My husband is Northern Irish and we actually met in Glasgow, Scotland so he is busting to get back over to the UK to show off Ferne to his friends and family. So I think a long haul flight is the next hurdle for us to tackle as a family of 3!

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?

I really can't think of anything. I wanted this mum life so bad and felt like I had achieved everything I wanted to, travelled etc pre baby.