Tell us a bit about yourself?
I am 25, a high school English Teacher and a book lover.

What were you doing before babies/children?
As boring as it is, studying and then working, but I love my job, so it is all worth it!

How did you come to be a mum?
My husband had a few rules before we could start trying for kids:

1. Get married

2. Have a honeymoon

3. Buy a house.

In October 2019, I graduated from uni a few days before we got married and I had secured a full time job to start 2 days after our wedding. Thus, our honeymoon got delayed. Totally unexpectedly, we bought a house in March of 2020 and moved in the week before lockdowns started. During the school holidays in October 2020, my husband decided to take 2 weeks off work for a 'staycation' we dubbed our honeymoon and therefore the list was met. We were surprised it happened so quickly, but we started trying and fell pregnant straight away. It was a totally normal pregnancy. The only struggles I had were managing the public health system, especially being cross managed through NSW and ACT because I was classed as high risk (due to BMI). Let me tell you, it was a joke. Going through it for the first time and having no idea what I had to do or expect, I had a surprising lack of clear information. Each Dr/Midwife I saw had a different opinion and instructions. It was unbelievably overwhelming for someone going through a massive life change. So once I had my final midwife appointment at Canberra Hospital (TCH) at 37 weeks and I had high blood pressure, I wasn't surprised. However, the next day when I had calmed down and still had a blood pressure of 153/100, I knew something was wrong. I headed into the Maternal Assessment Unit at TCH and I was admitted that night for pre-eclampsia. I was told they were going to induce me because I was so close to term and even on medication my BP wasn't dropping. 4 days later, Tiberius was born at a tiny 2.9kgs. The birth was a whole other story but he was so precious. So when we were told he had to go to the Special Care Nursery (SCN), I was beyond emotional. I couldn't understand why my child wasn't well and couldn't be with me. He had low blood sugar and low temperature. They needed to keep him in an isolete until his blood sugar was under control and then his temp would stabilize. The next 4 days were a rollercoaster of emotions while I continued to manage my pre-eclampsia and I watched his feet turn purple from bruising, due to the needle pricks for the blood sugar tests. We were both discharged on the same day and we couldn't have been happier.

We decided we wanted to have our children close together in age, with the hope that they would grow up close. It took a few months of trying the second time round, but we finally fell pregnant again when Tiberius was 10 months old. We were excited that they were only going to be 19 months apart, without knowing how challenging it would truly be. However, at my 30 week appointment at TCH, I mentioned I wasn't feeling baby move as much and I was sent straight to the MAU. What followed was extended time on the CTG and an ultrasound. There were drops in baby's heart rate, he was growth restricted and the placental cord blood flow was abnormal. I was admitted that night. It was a highly emotional time. We didn't know what was going to happen. It was basically a waiting game, sitting in hospital monitoring and waiting to see when he would need to come out. We had a neonatologist come and speak to us and have the 'viability of life' conversation, which is something you never want to have. Luckily, Chris could be on the phone so I wasn't going through it alone. Following that discussion, I had all the time in the world to sit and dwell on 'what if my baby dies?' and 'what if I am now a mum of a child with a significant disability?'. On day 4 in hospital, I was woken up at 6:30 for observations and the doppler didn't sound right. The Midwife made the call to put the CTG on early (they always delayed it because I hated it and always ended up on it for 2-3 hours at a time, 2-3 times a day, due to the nature of little man's heartrate). From what was observed, she called the Dr and I was suddenly signing consent forms for a c-section, having bloods taken and cannula put in. I had called Chris to be on stand by but wasn't really sure what was going to happen and called my mum to update her as well. I remember her asking if she should come in and I said "nah, it should be fine for now". The midwife looked at me and said "No, tell her to come in". The next minute, the midwives were wheeling me out of my room and down the corridor. The wardie was running to get to us to keep pushing me and I'm in the operating room.
So. Many. People. The team for me. The team for my baby. It was the most traumatic time of my life. I was put under a GA and August was born at 7:45, 10 weeks early. He was a tiny 1.3kgs and was intubated to help him breathe but soon came off. My amazing midwife, Tori, got a photo of him and sent it to my mum so I would have something to look at when I woke up. I couldn't see him until late in the afternoon as I needed to be wheeled up to NICU in my bed and even then I couldn't really see him. What followed, were weeks in the NICU watching him breathe on the CPAP machine, under blue light for jaundice, multiple blood tests and brain scans, feeding tubes and eye tests. We were moved to Calvary SCN on the 16th of Decemeber and discharged on the 6th of January 2023, 57 days after he was born.

What has your feeding journey been like?
With Tiberius, due to his low blood sugar, he was immediately introduced to formula through a bottle, so we never could get him to latch to bring my supply in. After 2 weeks of desperately trying to pump and continually being disheartened, I stopped and just formula fed. He was a healthy, happy baby and that's all that mattered.
For August, it was more complicated. I was educated on how important any drop of breast milk would be for my preemie baby and so I started hand expressing straight away. I was told to be patient as it was early and I hadn't labored so my body may not be ready, but surprisingly I got more than I expected. I pumped every 3 hours for 2 and a half months while he was in hospital and filled 2 freezers at home with breastmilk. I hated every second but was overjoyed that I could actually do it this time. We introduced breast feeding at 35 weeks gestation (dubbed breast cuddles to begin with) and August latched straight away. He knew what to do. I was ecstatic. We did 2 breast feeds a day in hospital from 37 weeks gestation and when we got home, went to full time breast feeding. That's when my mental health took a dive. Again, while I was happy I could do it, I hated every second and was so angry and frustrated all the time. His mouth was so small that he sometimes struggled to latch in his hunger and it made breastfeeding feel impossible. Especially when he wanted to feed every 1.5 to 2 hours. Eventually, I made the hard decision to stop breastfeeding and just bottle feed. It killed me because I knew how desperately I wanted to be able to do it with Tiberius, and I couldn't, and now I was just throwing it all away. But it significantly improved my mental health, and I could still feed him breast milk from my freezer stock until switching to formula. I'm still working through my stock as I type this.

What has sleep been like in your house?
Tiberius started sleeping through the night at 12 weeks old, which was fantastic. His day sleeps were a different story, and we ended up going through Tresillian to help get his sleeping right. Even then, he still didn't sleep well, but overnight was good so we didn't complain. At around 10 months, he started waking every 1-2 hours at night and would wake between 3am and 5am ready to start the day. It would slowly get better and then get worse again, and we were terrified when we were pregnant for how we would manage him and a newborn. But miraculously, after we got back from our overseas holiday in October 2022, he started sleeping through the night again from 7pm to 6am and would have a solid 3 hr nap during the day.
Now, we're still in the newborn phase where August needs feeding every 3-4 hours, but hopefully it will get better soon.

The hardest bits…
Sickness is the worst. Seeing them so sad and not being able to make it better is horrible. But, it does end eventually. I was also given the tip to use children's telfast to ease cold symptoms and it has been magical!

The best bits…
Seeing their smile and hearing them laugh. The opposite to the previous, seeing them happy fills you with a kind of joy you can't explain. When Tiberius runs and giggles, everyone around him joins in his joy.

How do you make time for yourself?
Honestly, I don't get a lot of time to myself. It's something I need to work on so I don't get burnt out, but I have so many appointments between the two of them, and then managing their normal schedules and the house, that personal time becomes impossible. The closest thing to it is that once Tiberius is in bed, I can eat, shower, and watch some TV.

What’s next for you and your family?
Right now, recovering from our crazy premature experience. We are slowly doing that through great little projects to fix up our house and spending quality time all together.

If you could talk to your pre baby/kid self, what advice would you give?
Make the most of this time while you have it. You have so much time to do whatever you want, use it!