Jess Talbot

Tell us a bit about yourself?

I am mum to 3 gorgeous boys, Lenny (6), Isaac (5) & Billy (eleven months) and a born and bred Canberran. Hubby and I have been married for 3 years, together 10 (this time)- we are high school sweethearts who had a 5 year break then came to our senses and got back together… for the long haul! We are blessed to have a LOT of support due to both of our parents being divorced and re-partnered resulting in 4 sets of very hands-on grandparents, needless to say we are never short of a sitter!

What were you doing before babies?

Pre-children and post children, I was working in the real estate industry, starting with an admin role and building to management over the years. Just before having baby number 3, I resigned as I knew I couldn’t see myself back handling a 9-5 corporate job and juggling 3 kids. Instead I took up an admin role in my husbands plumbing business and am now on the way to starting my own boutique real estate business which will intentionally be kept small to allow me to continue being a hands on mum.

How did you come to be a mum?

I have always wanted to be a mum, always! I feel it is my calling and thankfully my husband is on board. Having babies was so much more important to me than getting married, in fact getting married was all my husbands’ idea, I could have done without! I would definitely have another baby however sadly hubby isn’t on board for that.

What has your feeding journey been like?

Breastfeeding was hands down the hardest part of motherhood for me. I really, really tried hard to make it work but on each occasion I just did not seem to make enough milk for my babies, they were always hungry/hangry and yes, I did try lactation cookies, brewers yeast balls, feeding on demand, pumping, etc, you name it, I tried it. When I would pump, I would get about 10 mls, that was it. With my first baby I persisted for 2 months. Baby 2 was born 12 months after baby 1 so I only persisted for 3-4 weeks before my husband insisted we introduce formula so that he could help as we had a 1 year old who still woke during the night on top of the newborn. For bubba 3, I got to 12 weeks, I was disappointed when I had to finish up knowing this was probably going to be my last breastfeeding experience but on reflection I am proud we made it that far.

Each time I stopped feeding, I did not have engorgement issues or have to wean my baby off the boob, which makes me strongly believe I just didn’t make the milk my babies needed.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Sleep has thankfully been ok. We have always had our babies in our bedroom as newborns which made it easy for me to reach over and get the baby when they woke. We are also pretty relaxed about having our babies in bed with us (not all 3 at the same time!!) In my experience, sometimes being close to you is all they need to ensure a good sleep for bub and also mum and dad.

The hardest bits…

This is hard to talk about but in the essence of being genuine, here goes.. The hardest part for me has been gender disappointment. It’s real, it’s a thing and it sucks. On top of normal mothers’ guilt and general anxiety that comes from being a mum, to then feel disappointed over gender bring a whole new wave of guilt. I read through the other stories on this blog and realise how lucky I am to have 3 healthy, easy to conceive babies and I hope that anyone reading this does not for a second think that I don’t know how blessed I am. Gender disappointment isn’t (generally) about being upset about the babies you have, it wasn’t for me, I love my boys and wouldn’t change any part of them for the world however after having my third son, I think probably a week after he was born (we didn’t find out his gender before birth) I felt this wave of grief for the daughter I will never have. It didn’t and hasn’t affected my love for my sons, it is actually a separate issue which focuses on what I don’t have and the things I feel I am going to miss out on. I strongly feel that if I had of had 3 girls, I would have the exact same feelings.

I don’t have a solution to this but I think its important that it is spoken about because talking about it has really helped me, so many people relate and I don’t think people should feel ashamed for having these feelings, it does not mean you love your children any less. For me, it isn’t all consuming thankfully, it comes and goes at different times and thankfully the things I have to be grateful for in my life are endless and begin with the 3 beautiful boys I am raising. It is normal to feel disappointment about lots of things in life; not landing the dream job you wanted, being unsuccessful at an auction for a house you had your heart set on, not getting the daughter/son you always hoped for.. disappointment is a part of life, I hope that one day there is less of a stigma around this topic so that we can openly process these feelings and be there for one another.

The best bits…

There are too many to list!! Everything is the best, I love each milestone, learning to crawl, walk, talk, dance. I love watching them play sports, go to school, make new friends, learn about the world. Cuddles in bed each morning. The big two still insist I have a bath with them every Friday and I know that isn’t going to last much longer so I try to relish all the little things because really, when you look back, they are the big things. Watching the big two become big brothers to Billy has been really beautiful.

How do you make time for you?

Me time is just the little things as well such as a run on my own with some Luke Combs up really loud or a walk with a friend. I know it sounds cliché but I really am living my best life when I’m with my husband and boys whether it’s a bike ride or just watching a movie together, this is my favourite time.

What’s next for you and your family?

I’d love to say baby number 4 (haha jokes)… hubby?? No, no, we have an extension and reno to our home in the pipeline, currently in the planning approval stages so we hope that 2022 is the year that this project will come to life! For me, I am launching a business in December this year so I think I’ll have enough on my plate to distract me from thoughts of another baby.. or will I?!

A piece of advice for our readers?

Gosh.. another cliché answer coming up, it’s 100% the truth when people say it goes by quickly. Even though some of the days and nights feel so damn long, it truly flashes by. With baby number 3 I have tried to remind myself of this constantly but here we are and, in a month, he turns 1!!! I mean..

Can’t stress enough to get yourself some friends or a support group that allow you to vent/whinge about your kids, your husband, your family whatever it is you need to vent about. This has helped me instrumentally and made me feel much less alone when I’ve had ‘one of those days’.

Finally- if you’re feeling a little anxious, try to stay off/limit social media. Social media is generally peoples highlights, no one (me included) posts their arsehole child having a meltdown because you made a peanut butter sandwich not vegemite so when I’m feeling anxious I have a social detox and it does me wonders, I also (shock horror) don’t drink alcohol if I’m feeling anxious and it also serves me well.