Lauren Carpenter

Tell us a bit about yourself?

Well, hi there! Im Lauren, i'm a 32 year old mum to Avah, wife to Alex, fur mama to Miss Mabel the American staffie and a public servant studying to be an Investigator with a passion for law enforcement and chasing bad guys (literally not metaphorically). I like my coffee short and strong and my wine cold and bubbly! Originally from Bega on the Far South CoastI moved to Canberra temporarily just passing through on my way to Wollongong but thanks to Tinder, I met my now hubby and 6 years later i've set up camp here pretty well, I must say. Youngest of three and only girl of my family i'm very close with my parents and two older brothers and don't see them nearly as often as I would like, but when we do it's like no time has passed at all. Very much an ambivert, I love a good dinner out and socialising just as much as I love my comfy house attire, pottering around my yard and working on the house.

What were you doing before babies?

I can't fully remember, but i'm getting flashbacks of having more disposable money, more nights of going to bed closer to midnight rather than 8pm and singing lets get loud at karaoke not let it go... but the rest is a blurr lol.

I've always been into sports, playing and watching, so because I was still new to Canberra (I was here 6 months before I fell pregnant) I tried to immerse myself in sports that I played back on the coast before I moved to try and meet people, so I signed up for AFL and League Tag but then had to put them on hold as I found out I was pregnant after three weeks of training. I worked in Banking, I spent most of my time with Alex and his family and friend here, getting to know his world and pretty much each other. Alex and I had bought our apartment in Bonython in December 2016 and were pregnant in Feb 2017. We fully renovated the apartment and had always planned on selling it for a house in the future, but now with bub coming along this out about a two year time limit on it as we wanted our children to grow up with a back yard and pets like we did, which we couldn't do in a two bedroom apartment. I vividly remember starting maternity leave and being bored, so I (safely, with a mask) continued painting the doors in our apartment, taking them off the hinges and back on after they were dry, buying and hemming curtains, building outdoor furniture so we could enjoy our balcony in the summer with bub. Safe to say, I couldn't sit still!! I had a very easy pregnancy so was able to still continue helping with the house renos in our downtime.

How did you come to be a mum?

Day drinking.. hahaha No.. (but yes) In actual fact, I didn't know if was going to be in my blueprint.. I've battled with hormonal issues including surgeries on my cervix for early cancer cells and being unable to take most contraceptives due to insufferable nausea since i was 13. I was told by many doctors the best chance for me would be to have children by 28, 30 at the latest, and once I fell, my hurdle would be getting past 18 weeks when the baby would start putting weight on my already weakened cervix, so the fear of losing a pregnancy was there right from the start, which in some ways scared me off the idea. I was 26 when I met my husband so naturally in the back of my mind I knew I was pushing that recommended age, but also didn't want to put any pressure on a new relationship. Well, lucky for me it turned out that Alex was the one that approached the kids idea and was very ready to start a family. Both wanting the same things we threw caution to the wind and were lucky to fall pregnant after only a few months of trying.

What has your feeding journey been like?

Breastfeeding for me was always something I presumed I would be able to do. I also didn't really understand if I have the equipment, they when wouldn't I be able to, right? Wrong.

So many things that I didn't even think of being a factor came into play. Avah had a 75% tongue tie for the first 3 days of her little life, which meant her tongue was essentially a heart shape, she couldn't poke it out past her bottom lip and she couldn't curl it back towards the roof of her mouth to assist her swallow. In the end it wasn't worth my physical pain and the anguish of trying to get Avah to latch for the sake of being breast fed, so I chose to express for the first 4 months and Avah took to the bottle seamlessly.

What has sleep been like in your house?

Well, i'm in total fear of jinxing myself right now because we've been lucky i guess in this department. Don't get me wrong we have definitely gone though our nights of pacing around the house while we rock in a steady motion, setting a timer for an hour each (hubby and i) when nothing else worked, and the dreaded sleep regressions, but as a whole sleep hasn't been something thats been an ongoing battle for us. I think I can attribute this to a couple of things. One being the fact that Avah was bottle fed, which gave me a breather and shared the load with Alex, the fact we took Avah out of the house and carried on where possible with our regular activities, be that shopping, friends events, dinners out, where ever we could manage to take a pram. So luckily for us Avah was used to sleeping in many environments and with natural noise. We even took her camping with my family when she was 9 weeks old, and it was a breeze.

The hardest bits…

The hardest bits of motherhood for me personally are directly related to when i'm feeling bad or anxious in myself, because then I feel like i'm not doing my best for Avah, like i'm letting her down and that I should be more involved. I (like every mum) have those days where i'm just worn out, after working full time in 4 days, running a house hold, washing, groceries, family time, and all the other bits life throws at you in between. I just want to stop and have a day in bed and not be disturbed or even just a un-interrupted shower, but with a 4 yr old it's rare. I get snappy, I get frustrated and I feel alone at times without my parents close by and also as I don't keep in touch with my friends as often as I used to and I feel disconnected to them now to some degree, but it's not intentional or personal, it's just life. I find it hard to be on all the time for Avah, but feel like if i'm not, then i'm not giving her my best, so its a bit of a balancing act between not letting my head make me feel like i'm not enough for her just because I need a bit of reprieve and pulling myself together and fuelling myself on an espresso and getting on with it, for her sake. Us mums are often at times of spreading ourselves too thin, so for me, this, combined with keeping up with the needs of my daughter as she grows and changes is quite challenging.

The best bits…

By far is the look of pure love, excitement and affection you get from your child over the littlest of things, more so the things that you as an adult take for granted and don't get immersed in like you used to when you were young, like birthdays, making pancakes for breakfast or having a picnic where theres a park and a body of water. Things that seem like very reasonable every day thing, spark the biggest joy in kids, and for me, its seeing Avah light up and unknowingly reminding me what it felt like to be her age and be so excited when it was my mums birthday, or going to the beach for a picnic dinner in summer rather than eating at home. Knowing that it doesn't take much or cost much money to give them joy and memorable experiences, as much as todays society is technology driven and going at lightning speed all the time, pulling back to basics is really soothing and provides so much happiness.

How do you make time for you?

Its funny, it takes being asked this question to realise thats this isn't something I specifically dedicate time too, but should. I enjoy op shopping, I love nothing more than wandering around Vinnies or Salvos looking for a bargain or a hidden treasure. Mum and I found a genuine Tiffany & Co bangle one day that was very clearly incorrectly priced at $30 but sadly it was too big. I am also partial to taking an extra five or ten to get to work at times and will sit and have a coffee, not a takeaway, an ACTUAL coffee in a ceramic cup after taking Avah to Preschool or Day Care. I enjoy yoga but don't get to do it as often as i'd like and i'm trying to get back into Netball. I love to wander the markets, particularly the Handmade Markets at Epic which is the dedicated girls day three times a year where my mum and sis in law and I spend a day buying stuff we probably don't need; cookies and jerky to keep the guys happy and sampling all the wine and cheese on offer! I highly recommend. I try to get home to visit my family in Bega as often as I can, its nice to take Avah with me for some one on one time with my parents but I love getting away by myself for a night or two to visit them too.

What’s next for you and your family?

We're currently in a bit of a tricky place at the moment, and have been for the best part of 2021. Alex and I sold our apartment and bought our house in June 2020, and with Avah turning three only a couple of months after we decided to get settled first, not being in a transition period, get our finances back in order and then start trying for a sibling for Avah. This is even funny for me to be saying because I never thought I would even have one, let alone planning a second. After 14 months of multiple examinations, blood tests, doctors appointments, ovulation tests, tracking my cycle to a tee, planning intimacy and putting my feet in the air afterwards (old wives tale I know, but still..can't hurt) tears, anger, and almost defeat we were blessed with our second pregnancy. 9 weeks in we sadly had to say goodbye before we even got the chance to say hello. We experienced every parents worst fear when planning a family; miscarriage. We learnt the hard way what secondary infertility really is and how it can throw a very large unwanted spanner into your best laid plans, but its a part of life, its apart of our journey as a family and we will keep trying to hopefully bless Avah with a little brother or sister one day soon. People love to tell me when you stop trying, thats when it will happen and they may be right, so until that day comes, we will keep working on our home improvements, taking trips to the coast to visit family and enjoying every moment with our blessing, my little Avah Rose.

We've booked our first proper family holiday to the Gold Coast in September where Avah will finally get to ride on a plane that she so desperately wants to do and just kick back and enjoy what would have been our baby moon, but is now a celebration of Avah before she trots off to big BIG school next year.

A piece of advice for our readers?

It's probably very common and I find myself saying this to new mums I meet, but I cant express this enough. Don't be hard on yourself, don't compare and if it works for you then brilliant, thats great, keep doing YOU! Kids are unique and individual little wonders, I know it's very easy to sit back and compare another baby of a similar age and wonder why isn't mine doing that? However, it's not a reflection on you or your parenting style, it's just there own pace, and your baby is navigating life at theirs. Stop looking for the next milestone or wanting the current phase to be over, however stressful, frustrating or worrying it may be, and just try to enjoy it, because in the blink of an eye they will change again and you'll be looking for ways to slow them down so you can savour it that little while longer.

You can plant two of the same seed in the same soil at the same time, doesn't mean they will grow at the same rates or in the same shape.

xoxo Lauren